Static Waves
by xohearted12
Summary: That is what their relationship has come to. Little moments that weren't supposed to mean anything. A stare that lingered too long, or a touch that made her shiver. Sequel to Lifeboat.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, guys! I am well aware that I currently have two unfinished stories, but I was working on the next chapter of Signs Of Life and this idea suddenly popped into my head and I decided to run with it.

This story is going to be a sequel for my previous story, Lifeboat. To be honest, when I first wrote it, I didn't have any plans to continue it, but I found inspiration and this is the end result.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 1 **

_my words never came out right _

The door slammed before Steve could get another word in. It was the classic ending to the usual Steve and Kono blowout. The sound rang in his ears as he attempted to process the events.

It didn't start out as much. He was sitting at his desk as she walked in. She started to discuss the investigation she had just completed as he sat listening. Steve disagreed with some of her thoughts, and it didn't take very long at all for things to explode.

It was becoming sort of a reoccurring thing with them recently. Every time they were within a few feet of each other, things ended badly. Of course, all of that unspoken tension made Danny and Chin incredibly uncomfortable upon arriving at work. But no one said anything. The tried to ignore it, but as time passed, the situation only seemed to be getting worse.

Steve couldn't exactly remember the exact moment this anger towards each other began. When they first broke up, they tried their best to keep their relationship as professional as possible. But it isn't the easiest thing to do when you've seen someone naked more times they you can count. He couldn't just forget about the moments they shared because he told his brain to shut them out. They were always there. Those thoughts and memories existed in the back of his head, just waiting for the right moment.

That's probably the reason why they slept together the one time following the end of after their relationship. Both Steve and Kono knew that sex would not be a good idea. Sex would complicate things farther. It always did. Steve couldn't believe that he had ever thought, just for a minute, that they would be an exception.

Obviously, it was just a one-time thing. They had to convince themselves of this fact in order to be in the same room. The night they spent together had to mean nothing. It had to. If it were to mean anything else, anything significant, they would throw themselves into deep waters. Both parties involved had a million things to work on in order for them to ever think about being together again.

Steve is entirely dedicated to his job. He never had the time to actually work on having a successful relationship.

Kono is young. Steve hates that.

Steve is complicated. So is Kono.

Steve had always been afraid of breaking her. Kono hated that. He felt the need to protect her from everything and anything. She knew that she could handle herself, but convincing her boss of this is a completely different task.

Steve was painfully aware of the pain he had experienced throughout his life. Those experiences made his guarded and dangerous. He never had anything to tie him down. There were never any reasons for him to be a careful person. The only exception would probably be his sister, Mary, but even she, at one point or another, had become a victim of Steve constantly pushing people away.

One of the main reasons he had not involved himself in a real relationship for so long was because he never wanted to instill his misery on another human being.

He was so afraid of breaking her that it actually tore them apart. Steve knew that. He always believed that Kono was too good of a person to ever be with him. In his mind, she was far too young and innocent to have her life ruined by him. He would only bring her down. It didn't take long for Steve to realize that his greatest fear had pushed her away.

Kono stormed out of Steve's office as her frustrations mounted. She had to walk away before she said something she probably shouldn't. She felt herself growing emotional as she screamed. Their argument would have easily become personal if she hadn't left when she did.

As she slammed the door and walked by her desk, Kono ignored the looks she received from Danny and Chin. She knew that they were growing tired of the constant fighting, as she assumed they all were. Every time she arrived at work, she noticed that her emotions were put on high. Her breath caught in her throat every time she got close to Steve.

Kono couldn't live this way. It had been almost nine months since they ended things, but it only felt like a few days before. She hated to admit it, but she missed Steve. As much as he infuriated her, Kono missed having him around.

His smile and his laugh. Kono missed waking up to him. That used to be her favorite part of the day. She loved opening her eyes, knowing that someone in the world loved her like he did.

But, of course, the reasons why they had ended their relationship were constantly present. They taunted her whenever she even remotely thought about showing up on his doorstep.

The night their relationship officially ended seemed to be a common memory. The one she thought about most.

_"What are you doing?" Steve questioned as Kono started dressing herself._

_"I'm going home!" She snapped as she buttoned her pants. _

_"Why? Because I protected you?" He wondered, almost taunting her with his tone. _

_"Yes!" She shouted. "I'm going home because you think you have to treat me like a child. I can handle myself!"_

_"Obviously not." He clarified, pointing at the stitches on her forehead. _

_Kono's hand instantly reached up to touch the wound. _

_Steve noticed her flinch. The vision of seeing Kono on the ground, blood surrounding her head, haunted him. She tried to fight the man attacking her, but he was far too strong for her to ever push away. The guy was almost triple her weight, but Kono just seemed ignored the fact when the call came in._

_When Steve saw the man holding Kono against the wall, hands around her neck, essentially chocking her, he jumped into action. He pulled the guy off of her as Kono gasped for air. _

_The whole team was aware that she would have never been able to handle the criminal on her own, but Kono liked to believe she could. It didn't matter how much they urged her not to, she never failed to get her into trouble._

_"It's fine, Steve! It'll heal." Kono stated, reaching for her shirt. _

_"It could have been a lot worse." Steve spoke as the realization of the situation softened his harsh tone. _

_He wasn't oblivious. This day could have ended a lot differently. _

_"But it wasn't."_

_Steve searched for something to say, but he was at a loss for words. He couldn't find a reason to justify his actions, other then hoping to protect her and wanting to keep her safe._

_"You're going to leave because we're having a fight?" He asked, trying to understand exactly what was happening._

_"No." She shook her head. "I'm leaving because I need to focus on my career instead of whatever this is." _

_That was a lie. They both knew that._

_Kono was going to push herself away because Steve cared too much. Talk about complicated. _

_"Don't do this." _

_"I have to go." _

_"Kono, don't do this." Steve repeated as she closed the distance between herself and the door. _

_"We need to forget about this. It's not a good idea." She declared. _

_Kono leaned against the doorframe, looked back at Steve again before leaving him behind. _

Looking back, Kono realized that this final argument was the not the sole reason for their break up. Towards the end, they developed a cycle. They were happy and content in their relationship for a few days, but without any warning they were at each other's throats for double that time. A decent portion of their fights were relevant and worthy, but for the most part, they spent their time disagreeing to make things difficult.

Steve and Kono were both stubborn people, and their relationship suffered because of it. One of them pushed, and the other never failed to push back. Their opinions always differed, so arguments were expected.

When she thought about it, the relationship sounded horrible. It seemed like a miserable situation to be involved in, but a lot of the time Kono loved that Steve challenged her. He made her feel stronger and braver, but those feelings came with consequences. Consequences that ultimately ruined what she and Steve had.

It was almost lunchtime when her argument with Steve took place. It truly didn't even occur to her that she was supposed to be working. Kono knew that there would be no possibility of any work getting done if she and Steve were in the same room at the moment.

When she left headquarters, Kono got in her car and drove. She had no idea where she was heading. She just let her heart guide her. She wasn't surprised in the slightest when her car parked at the beach. Of course, she didn't have her surfboard, but Kono didn't mind. She walked onto the sand before sitting down directly in front of the water. She didn't know where else to go.

The waves crashing calmed the anxiety contained with her. She instantly felt a sense of relieve. She didn't know what it was, but the ocean and surfing would always be her place of comfort. It would never matter the kinds of things happening in her life or where she was living, the water was her home.

Kono wasn't sure how long she had sat there. It felt like hours by the time she finally stood up, brushing the sand off of her legs. She did not want to, but she knew it was time for her to return to work.

The drive to headquarters seemed to end quicker than normal. Probably because she was in no rush to get there.

She pulled into an empty space, putting the car into park, as she tried to contain the emotions she had hidden. The tears started to fall before she could stop them, but she couldn't let herself break. Why couldn't she have cried at the beach, miles and miles away from any she knew? Of course, Kono would be the one to ball her eyes out with her boss slash ex-boyfriend only a few hundred feet away.

Once her tears finished their journey down her cheeks, Kono found the strength to enter the building. She walked through the main entrance, making her way towards Steve's office.

Danny and Chin noticed her arrival. They both jumped from their seats to stop her in her tracks. They knew she needed to be stopped if they wished to avoid a second blowout in one day. Actually, when they thought about it, two seemed like a low number.

"What are you doing?" Danny asked, holding his hand out in front of him. She stopped.

"I'm going to speak to our boss." She answered, emphasizing Steve's title.

Chin stepped forward. "I don't think that's a good idea, cuz." He tried to persuade.

"And why not?" She wondered.

Kono didn't care what they said. She came back for a reason, and they were not going to stop her from saying what she came to say.

"Because you're both too emotional to have a normal conversation." Chin explained.

Both Danny and Chin recognized that the look in Kono's eyes meant trouble. They were most certainly past the possibility of a normal conversation. They would be lucky if both of them made it out in one piece.

"I'm fine." She looked up at her cousin, attempting to convince him of her statement. "I'm not emotional." She lied.

Chin shot her a look that obviously showed he did not believe her in the slightest.

"Then why have you been crying?" Chin asked, acknowledging her red eyes.

She stared at her cousin for a moment before looking away. Kono realized that Chin was right, but it didn't mean she was going to give up.

"You need to move out of my way." Kono ordered.

For a moment, there was no movement in the room. Danny and Chin shared glances, wondering what the other was going to do. Finally, they moved, allowing her to continue walking.

They instantly regretted their decisions when yelling ensued.

Kono opened the glass doors, barging into Steve's office without knocking. She noticed that he was working on paperwork. Something he never did. It was strange but she didn't spend much time thinking about it.

He heard the doors opening, causing him to look up at the person entering. The last person he ever expected to see was standing directly in front of him. And she was obviously not happy.

This was going to be good.

"I want you to forget that we were ever together!" She yelled, using her finger to point at him.

Steve was taken back by the anger contained in her voice.

"Forget about the dates and the sex! Forget about all of it!" She continued as her hand slammed against the surface of the desk positioned in the center of the room. Steve didn't jump at all.

"I can't do that." Steve opposed, keeping his entire body still.

She raised her eyebrows at his dismissal, faking a laugh. "Well, you need to. You have to forget." Kono repeated. She wasn't sure why she continued to say those words. Maybe she was trying to force herself to do the same.

"Can you forget?" He asked.

Steve was almost positive that he saw a moment of vulnerability and weakness pass through her expression. He took that as his opportunity to speak.

"You're asking me to forget about us?" She nodded, agreeing with his statement. "But can you?" He asked again.

"Oh, you underestimate me." She spat back through a clenched jaw and narrowed eyes.

Steve stayed silent for a moment as he walked around the corner of his desk. He stepped forward, but she pulled away, maintaining the distance between their bodies. Kono folded her arms over her chest, almost as if she were hugging herself, providing protection from anything that could potentially hurt her.

Steve took another step towards her. He pushed a piece of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear with his fingers. Feeling his touch again resulted in Kono shivering. Steve clearly noticed as a smirk pulled at his lips.

The closeness almost made Kono want to forget about their issues. Almost.

"We could make this work." Steve stated.

He had no idea where that came from. He had never been the kind of person to put himself out there completely.

Neither of them moved for a while. They stared at each other, waiting for a clear answer to emerge. It didn't. They were close enough to feel the other breathing. Kono felt Steve moving closer again, but it didn't last.

"Stop!" She stepped back, covering her mouth with her hand.

The shock of the action was present on Steve's face. He wasn't sure what to think.

"We can't do this." Kono shook her head, furrowing her eyebrows as her emotions took over.

"And why not?" Steve questioned, becoming annoyed with this roller coaster of a conversation.

Kono was still for a minute. Steve knew that she had to be thinking about something serious. She was hardly ever this quiet.

Steve waited, knowing that things couldn't possibly get worse.

"I have a boyfriend."

But they did.

TO BE CONTINUED

Reviews would be appreciated. Please let me know if this is worth continuing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_i know some things should just stay broken _

"I have a boyfriend."

Steve's heart was pounding as he suddenly felt like he could vomit. His muscles tightened, and his head felt like a weight on his shoulders as he took in a stiff breath.

How could four words change so much? It had only been a few minutes since Steve had put everything on the line. He took the risk by making his feelings known, but then she dropped this bomb that instantly rejected his advances.

Steve knew that she had to be overwhelmed by the emotions of the day. They both were. He almost expected her to pull away from him. One of them always did. But he never imagined her saying those words.

Since the day she walked out, Steve was aware of just how much things had changed between them.

They couldn't be friends. They tried that. It didn't work. Actually, being friends made a complicated situation even worse for Steve and Kono.

Working on cases became nearly impossible, as did being in the same room.

He knew ending their romantic relationship would cause issues, but he never expected her to actually move on. When he thought about it, feeling that way may sound incredibly selfish, but it wasn't because he expected Kono to always be committed to him. Steve just never imagined letting her go.

Of course, there was always the possibility of things ending between them. Either because of their own disagreements or an injury related to their careers. The thought of Kono being hurt was always the first thought he had when arriving at a crime scene. It shouldn't be, but Steve couldn't prevent it from invading his thoughts.

"You have a boyfriend?" Steve stated, surprised that his thoughts were spoken out loud, for both to hear.

She exhaled before sitting down in one of the chairs.

"I'm pretty sure that's what I said." Kono nodded, running her hand over her face as she rested her elbows on her knees.

Steve never expected her to move on. But she already had. He never suspected anything. Not once had he stopped to think she was leaving him behind, maybe because he wasn't even remotely close to dating anyone else just yet.

He would admit to a few nights with strangers he met at the bar, but nothing worth discussing. He was not proud of his actions, but eight months is a long, long time for a man to last. At least that's what Steve told himself. He hoped to justify the meaningless sex as a coping mechanism, but obviously it was not working.

None of those girls would compare to Kono.

She was warm and comforting to wake up to. Opening his eyes to a new stranger didn't exactly have the same romantic feel to it. You don't really wish to have a conversation with someone you only slept with to forget another woman. That would be uncomfortable for anyone. It would be a disaster for Steve.

But she had moved on. She was with someone else. The thought of her sharing her life with someone besides him caused his stomach to turn violently. His heart ached to think she had kissed another man or that she had committed herself to someone besides him.

Another man woke up to her in the morning, like he once had.

Another man got close enough for her to let him in, like she once did for him. Worst of all, Steve knew that, whoever this guy was, he was already in love with her. If Kono had shown him everything she had once shown Steve, there was absolutely no way he wasn't already in love with her. There was no chance in hell.

"I'm glad you're happy." Steve managed to say. It didn't matter that his words were lies.

Kono didn't expect his reaction to be so calm. Steve is not a person to think through things. He was never the type of person to think before he acted. Everyone who he had every encountered knew that much about him. Returning to then office after their argument, Kono didn't plan on dropping her news today. She wanted to wait until she was absolutely positive that things were settled with Dylan, her new boyfriend. Or maybe she was planning on never having to tell him, as she was simply waiting for things to crumble. Wanting them to crumble, as horrific as that sounded.

She was not proud of herself for keeping it from Steve but she had expected him to react differently. Of course, didn't miss the hint of pain pass through his eyes when she first spoke. But that was it.

After spending enough time in his presence, both professionally and personally, Kono was aware that Steve would never allow his pain to stay present in his expression for any considerable amount of time. It meant that he was vulnerable. He would hide it into the greatest depth of his body, while it ate away at him. It would happen eventually, but it would most definitely have to happen at another time. Not with Kono standing directing in front of him.

No yelling. No interrogation. No desire for an explanation. Kono had expected something. She wanted him to care. But she got nothing.

"Thanks." She swallowed.

A long wave of silence followed. They were both wrapped up in their own thoughts to even speak. Any regrets and mistakes Steve had made became painfully obvious to him as he wished he could turn back time.

"Say something." Kono begged, directing her eyes at the ground. Her voice broke through the air like a knife, bringing them both back to the ground.

Steve simply shook his head. He wasn't ready, and, to be completely honest, she wasn't sure if she was ready for anything he had to say.

"Okay." She whispered.

Kono understood that Steve wasn't going to talk until he wished to, but she still waited. She wasn't sure what for, but she waited. They sat together in the spacious office, but both could feel the walls slowly caving in.

Once she realized that he wasn't going to acknowledge her, Kono rose on her unsteady feet. She waited for a reaction from him, but nothing happened. Her breath quickened as she reached for the doorknob.

"I never meant to hurt you." Steve finally spoke up, stopping Kono in her place.

Her back faced him as she absorbed his words. She felt her knees weakening, causing her to hold the handle tighter.

"Neither did I." She responded, accepting a portion of the blame he carried.

"I'm sorry." He continued, refusing to accept her apology.

"Steve, stop." She called out, willing herself to turn around and look at him.

Kono wanted him to stop blaming himself for everything. She never wanted him to feel guilty for their relationship falling apart, and subsequently ending or all of the fighting since. He couldn't blame himself for all of it. They were both to blame.

If he continued to apologize like this, she would surely run into his arms as if no time had gone by. Steve wasn't allowed to let Kono off the hook. Half of the reasons for their breakup were related to her issues, equal to his own.

"I wanted this to work." He admitted under his breath, unsure on whether he wanted it to be heard or not.

She nodded, supporting herself against the closed door. "At one point I thought it would." Kono paused as his eyes pierced through her. "I just don't know anymore." She shrugged.

Steve could easily understand what she was saying. There was once a time, a time he could hardly remember, where they were happy together. They had fun together without any complications threatening to destroy them. Somewhere along the line, everything took such an unexpected turn where nothing was as neat and clean as it once was. Everything was very confusing now.

It was almost like they were too tired to hold on, but too in love to ever let each other go.

No words needed to be said after that. They understood how things would need to be before anything was resolved. Their conversation was not satisfying in some ways, but in others, it answered every question they had.

Kono pulled into her driveway after the longest day of work she could remember. Her head was pounded as the radio played. Her eyelids were in danger of closing as she turned the key in the ignition.

The ringing of her phone pulled her out of the daze.

"Hello?" She asked, her voice revealing just how tired she actually was.

"Hey." The person on the other line answered. Kono forgot to check the caller ID before answering, but she instantly knew that it was Dylan.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

Was it really that obvious? He was not even physically looking at her, but he could still tell.

She had the day from hell. Actually, the week from hell, but she tried her best to hide her frustrations whenever Dylan worried. Because of her tedious schedule, they really didn't have much time together recently. She canceled plans constantly. She hated the fact that she ever had to do it, but her job had to come first.

Her job was her life. When she was younger, she absolutely idolized her cousin and his career. She never had a choice when it came time for her to decide what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Kono was born to do this. It was all she had ever known. Well, that and surfing, but her dreams of becoming a professional surfer had long since disappeared following her knee injury.

Kono was aware that this had become another huge hole within her relationship with Steve. They hardly spent any time together. The little time they did have to themselves, away from crime scenes and murderers, wasn't enough. It became obvious that neither of them were ready to commit the amount of time any normal relationship needed to survive. Because of this, Kono often found herself wondering is her job would always be her first priority.

Being in the law enforcement, Kono felt a sense of pride knowing that she was protecting the innocent, but at what cost?

The friends she had in high school slowly started to distance themselves. Obviously not on purpose, but she found that she didn't have as many people around her as she once had. The very thought was sad, depressing even, but her most of her friends had long since gotten married or started having children. Some had accomplished both before she even had one under her belt.

She loves her job. She knew that she probably always would, but she often thought about what kind of life she would have if she had chosen a different profession. A far less dangerous profession.

"I'm okay." She confirmed, yawning.

It occurred to her then that she had not seen Dylan in almost a week. Even in knowing that, there was nothing she wanted more than her bright the moment. That probably made her a horrible girlfriend, but she honestly didn't care. That probably sounded even worse when she thought about it.

The line was silent before Kono informed him that she was incredibly tired. Dylan understood or at least he tried to.

"I love you." He stated before she could end the call.

Kono hearted stopped. Her throat felt as if it was closing. She couldn't speak.

It had been almost four months since they first met. The same way she met every other guy she ever became romantically involved with. In a bikini. Steve was certainly no exception.

Dylan had asked her out on a date after a friendly conversation, but Kono hesitated. It had only been a few months since her night with Steve. She wasn't ready for another relationship. She couldn't even make her last one work. She was still trying to fix the pieces left on the ground following her break up with Steve. But, stupidly, she agreed to Dylan's suggestion.

_Dinner at 8. I'll pick you up._ Dylan stated that day on the beach. The words repeated in her head. She should have refused. Kono knew that she should have turned him down, but something told her not too.

She was lonely and sad. No one could really blame her for accepting his offer.

Kono didn't regret going out with Dylan that first time. He was a nice guy that liked her. That's all a girl really wants. That all she wanted. And at the time, everything in her life was a blur, so she took comfort in the only place she could find it.

Dylan is sweet and funny. Kono liked him from the beginning. He was completely different from any guy she had been with before. Steve McGarrett being a prime example.

He was a hard person that didn't just let anyone in. His sense of humor was nonexistent, unless you count lame jokes about grenades and explosions as funny, and romantic gestures had never been Steve's strong suit. Dylan and Steve had always been two completely different people. Kono wasn't entirely sure why she was just realizing it. It had only taken her a few weeks to tell Steve that she had fallen in love with him. Why had four months passed without her doing the same towards Dylan?

The confusing feelings she still harbored for her ex-boyfriend clearly played a role, but Kono wasn't sure if she loved Dylan just yet. Would she ever?

After her brief conversation with Dylan ended, Kono left her car to finally enter the comforts of her own home. The night seemed to drag on forever as she tried to sleep. Her body lying still in the bed waiting her thoughts to cease. They ran around, endlessly, until she was on the verge of tears.

Thoughts of moments she shared with Steve appeared in her head. Kono could vividly remember the first time they kissed. The exact details of the moment were foggy, but the feelings she felt continued to haunt her. Kono waited for something to happen. She waited for a clear resolution to make itself known. Maybe she would have this amazing revelation that made things easy. One could only hope.

As she cried, her path of vision somehow focused in on an article of clothing sitting on her dresser. It obviously did not belong to her. The shirt was clearly Steve's. She managed to sit up in her position before reaching for the soft fabric. The whole idea of keeping a piece of an ex's clothing is probably extremely cliché, but for Kono there was something very comforting about it.

A few months passed following their break up when Kono first discovered the shirt in her closet. She just couldn't seem to bring herself to get rid of it, but she also couldn't bare the thought of returning it to its owner either.

She held the shirt for a while, silently hoping that her revealing confession in Steve's office only a few hours before would improve the situation. She prayed that she could wake up and find that her life was magically easier. But isn't that everyone's wish?

Life isn't fair for anyone. People are born and then they die, most of the time everything in between is messy and tangled. Everyone wishes they were dealt a better hand of cards. Everyone hopes for those incredible miracles people tell stories about. But, for some, those wishes are never answered. Who knows if they are ever truly received?

Of all the horrible things happening in the world, sickness, crime, poverty, Kono was almost positive no one was listening to her prayers. But you can't blame a girl for trying.

TO BE CONTINUED.

**I would really appreciate any reviews you guys are willing to write. They absolutely motivate me to write, and continue this story, because I'm not entirely sure I love it just yet. **

**Your input and opinions would be amazing. Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

I just want to quickly thank everyone that had been reading this. It means a lot. I really like this chapter and hope you do as well.

**Chapter 3**

_caught in the silence_

A few weeks passed without much development. Steve and Kono were able to be civil for the first time in months, but it didn't mean things had improved. The feelings were present, but they were carefully hidden.

Every once in a while, Kono caught Steve watching her from across the room. Her attempts to ignore the stares only made her more uncomfortable. Of course, Steve always turned his head when he noticed her looking back at him.

That is what their relationship has come to. Little moments that weren't supposed to mean anything. A stare that lingering too long. Or a touch that made her shiver.

She felt guilty for having these feelings. She had moved on. She was with Dylan and Dylan made her happy. So why does she still feel this attraction towards him? Steve. The man she should probably hate for the pain he caused.

She shouldn't want to kiss him whenever they were alone. She shouldn't feel the urge to admit her feelings every time he moved towards her. She should be thinking about Dylan, but she wasn't. Her thoughts belonged to something to something she had already screwed up.

Maybe she was over thinking this? What if it was all just in her head? She didn't have any answers for these questions, but for some reason she wanted to know if Steve was feeling the same way.

Her body was cold as she opened her eyes. The room was not her own. Kono determined quickly. The bed was strange and unfamiliar. The pillow under her head smelt differently than the one she was used to.

Her body shivered as she pulled her legs closer to her chest. This motion made her realize that she was naked. As she examined the room further, she noticed the clothing scattered on the floor. Her clothing. She also recognized a man's shirt lying near her side of the bed. A shirt she could remember removing only a few hours before.

Kono felt an arm tighten around her waist. She shifted her body to face the other person occupying space in the bed. Dylan.

Kono sighed. She couldn't help but wish it had been someone else.

Dylan was just opening his eyes. He smiled once he saw her.

"Good morning." He greeted, his voice low from sleep.

Kono's heart sank. Another wave of guilt came over her. How could she possibly think about another man when this man was so happy to see her?

"Morning." She replied as he inched closer.

Their lips met for a quick second. It felt weird to wake up to Dylan. Sure, they had slept together on multiple occasions, but she had never stayed the night. No matter how many times he asked her to stay, Kono always ended up going home after. It definitely killed the romance, but she couldn't stay.

This time was different. She had a few drinks the night before. Probably one too many drinks to even consider thinking clearly. She left the bar as she debated whether she wanted to go home just yet. An empty bed didn't exactly appeal to her at the time.

Somehow, Kono ended up on Dylan's doorstep. He opened the door, but never actually got the chance to say anything. She kissed him first. He didn't resist. They were headed up the stairs before either of them had a second to think about what was happening.

"What are you doing today?" Dylan asked following a long yawn.

"I don't know." Kono responded. "I think you're about to tell me, though."

It was her first day off in a while. As if the stress of her job was not enough, her confusion about her personal life would push anyone over the edge. A day of rest and relaxation sounded great, but it sounded like Dylan had different plans.

"Do you want to go to lunch?" He asked as he started to play with the ends of her hair.

Kono nodded without thinking. Lunch sounded simple, uncomplicated. She could manage lunch.

Before Dylan could respond, a phone started to ring, interrupting the moment. Kono had no doubt that her phone was the source.

Following the events that had taken place the night before, she wasn't exactly sure where her phone had landed. She checked the area of the bed before moving her legs over the side, enabling her to stand. Because she was currently naked, Kono dragged the sheets along with her as she reached into her pant pocket.

"Hello?" She answered.

It was Chin. The team had a new case that needed their attention. So much for her day of. The call ended quickly.

Kono closed the phone as she attempted to keep the sheet close to her body. She sat down on the floor as the cool air from the open window made contact with her bare skin.

"I think lunch is going to have to wait." She stated, offering an apologetic smile.

Dylan's expression immediately changed. The disappointment was present on his face. Kono knew that dating her could not be easy. Her hours are insane and unpredictable. The idea of ever being able to keep any kinds of plans is a funny thought, but he tried to be supportive of her schedule. As much as she wanted him to, Dylan would never fully understand how physically and emotionally draining her career truly is. He's financially stable with a successful business already established. On the other hand, she was a rookie on the Governor's task force, hoping to proof herself. They existed in two completely different worlds.

**Five-0**

It took Kono almost twenty minutes to pull into the parking lot. Dylan's home was farther away from headquarters than her own was. The drive lasted an extra ten minutes even when tried to drive faster.

Kono checked her appearance in the mirror as she turned her car off. She dressed herself quickly after receiving the call from Chin. She didn't have the kind of time she needed to fix her hair or actually put on makeup. She was pretty sure that her breath still smelt like tequila, her drink of choice from the night before. Lovely. That's real professional.

Kono quickened her steps as she walked down the hallway, opened the glass doors and entered the office. Chin, Danny, and Steve were all standing around the table positioned in the room as they discussed their case.

She fixed her hair as she approached the desk, hoping to tame any strands that had moved out of place. Kono smiled a bit once they acknowledged her presence.

"Where are you been, young lady?" Danny teased as he examined her appearance.

Oh god, he knows. Kono wanted to scream as she slowly moved towards them. This could not be happening. Of course Danny would be the one to figure out that she had just left her boyfriend's house after a night full of sex.

"Shut up, Danny." Kono snapped, shooting him a look that could kill.

"I'm just saying," He paused, shrugged. "You look like you had a fun night." Danny smirked, laughing under his breath.

Kono wanted to crawl out of her skin. As if the situation was not awkward enough, Danny was about to reveal her recent sexual encounter with her ex-boyfriend standing right there. Unbelievable.

Just another day in the life of Kono Kalakaua.

Steve looked up from the file in his hands as their behavior continued. He thought it was strange, but nothing seemed too unusual.

Danny was being Danny. Annoying everyone with his teasing nature, but Kono seemed uncomfortable and nervous.

"Focus children!" Steve raised his voice, annoyed.

Both Danny and Kono instantly stopped their bickering, instantly directing their focus at their boss and the case.

Chin explained the details to Kono as the team made their way out of the office. There had been a murder reported a few miles away that was currently under investigation. And until then, no one had discovered any clues to solve the case.

That morning, a woman called in to report that she had seen a strange man leaving the building a few hours before the body was discovered. The description given helped the team to attach Logan Rivera to the murder, as well as two other crimes within their files.

They were currently on their way to a known hangout of Logan's. They weren't sure that they were going to find him there, but it was worth a shot. Once they arrived at the scene, Kono quickly spotted Logan sitting with a large group of men.

Steve walked up from behind her, noticing she had stopped walking.

"What is it?" He asked curiously.

She looked up at him. Steve could tell that she was up to something. The look in her eyes was definitely of the mischievous kind.

She simply pointed in Logan's direction.

"Don't do it." Steve ordered in a stern voice. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"What are you talking about?" She questioned.

Kono was slightly annoyed with his tone. He was not going to do this to her right now. In the academy, she was always taught to trust in her instincts. Even Steve instilled that belief in her once.

Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Logan had noticed them. It didn't take long for him to take off running.

Criminals always run when cops show up. Things weren't going to change now.

Steve had turned his back for just a moment before he realized that Kono was gone. He looked around frantically when he noticed her running after the suspect.

"Dammit!" He yelled before he took off running following after them.

Logan was swerving through the crowd of people standing on the streets and sidewalks, hoping to get away. Kono did her best to keep up, but he was faster. Much faster.

"Move!" She shouted as people walked in her path. "Get out of the way!"

Everyone in the general area immediately looked in her direction. Curious about what was going on.

Finally, Logan cornered himself in an alley with no way out. Once he realized the situation he had put himself in, it was too late. Steve and Kono were already standing if front of him, guns drawn.

"Hands up, now!" Steve ordered.

The suspect followed his direction, lowering his head, accepting defeat. Steve lowered his gun before nodding his head at Kono.

She stepped forward, standing in front of Logan. She reached forward to grab his arms, looking to handcuff him. Before she even realized it, Kono took an elbow to the face.

She swore she could hear a crack just as his elbow made contact with her nose. The pain caused her eyes to water as blood went everywhere.

The impact knocked Kono backwards. She never got the chance to respond before Logan's arm was wrapped around her neck, constricting her airway.

"Hey!" Steve shouted, pointing his gun at the suspect once again.

His finger tightened around the trigger as he watched Kono struggle for air. He couldn't think. His only thought was her dying and not how he was going to save her.

Kono face was wrinkled in pain as she tried to break free. The blood coming from her nose was covering her face and Logan's arm as it dropped in puddles. He didn't even seem to notice.

Steve didn't pay much attention to what the suspect was saying as he tried to negotiate. Instead, his attention was directed at Kono. He watched her expression. She wasn't scared. This was her job. She signed up for this.

He watched the scene closely. He could have sworn he had seen her nod slightly. What was that supposed to mean?

"Shoot." She mouthed as Logan whispered something in her ear.

Was she insane? There was no way he could shoot Logan without injuring her in the process. But she knew that. She had to know.

Steve shook his head. He wasn't going to do it. He would not take that chance. He could kill her.

Sure, Steve had always been skilled with guns, but it's a completely different story when the hostage is the woman he loves and his fingers are shaking as they play with the trigger.

Kono stopped fighting as Steve help his gun in place.

"I trust you." She whispered, low enough for him to hear.

And with that, Steve pulled the trigger.

The bullet pushed the air instantly before hitting Logan in the shoulder. It wouldn't kill him, Steve knew that much, but it was enough to get the job done.

The pain caused Logan to momentarily loosen his grip just enough for Kono to escape. When she did, she punched him with enough force to knock him unconscious.

Immediately, Steve ran towards their suspect as he fell to the ground. Chin and Danny turned the corner just in time. The three men got Logan to his feet before handcuffing him.

"Um, I need some help over here." Kono called out, standing several feet away.

In all of the commotion, Steve had somehow forgotten that Kono was injured.

He turned his head away at the sound of her voice. His entire body tensed when he saw that she had now dropped to her knees as blood continued to pour from her nose. It was covering her face and her hands as she attempted to stop it.

Steve felt himself jump forward, rushing towards her.

Kono tried to balance herself, but she couldn't seem to manage a task as simple as that at the moment. Her hands were shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Steve was instantly by her side as she fell forward. Before she could fall completely, she could feel his weight under her. Her head fell on top of his shoulder as she struggled to stand.

Steve helped her sit down before resting her back against the wall. He leaned down in front of her, hoping to examine her injury.

She pulled her arm away from her nose, looking at her hand. "That's a lot of blood." Kono stated casually.

She was in pain, but she didn't seem too panicked about the situation. Steve, on the other hand, felt like he wanted to explode. He tried to stay calm, but to no avail. Usually, when someone is hurt he is the one known to keep his cool, but he could never manage to do that when Kono is involved.

"You're okay." He assured, touching her cheek.

Kono looked up from her hand to meet Steve's gaze. Their eyes locked for a moment. Considering the circumstances, she kind of like having Steve protect her again.

It showed that he still cared.

But they weren't going to talk about what just happened. Neither of them would bring up the moment they shared while Kono's life was in danger.

"You're okay." He repeated, nodding.

Sure, he was terrified that her injury could lead to other complications, but he wasn't going to tell her that.

Even though he tried to stop it, the bleeding continued. There seemed to be no end as the blood covered both of their clothing. Steve didn't care. He could buy a new shirt.

"I need you to lean forward." Steve instructed.

He had witnessed a few people break their noses before, but Steve had never seen anything this brutal. He was aware that if she didn't change her position, she could possibly choke on her own blood. It was kind of horrifying to think about, but it was also the reality of the situation.

Kono followed his order as Danny approached them. He was instantly shocked by the amount of blood she was currently losing. Steve's hand was placed on the back of Kono's head as she continued to shake.

"Oh, that's nasty." Danny groaned out of disgust.

Steve rolled his eyes. "That's not helping." He explained in a harsh tone.

"Sorry." Danny paused. "What can I do?"

Steve looked up at his partner. "Can you get something to help me with the bleeding? It's everywhere."

Danny nodded. "Hang in there, kid." He encouraged their younger teammate, leaning down to squeeze her shoulder.

Steve and Kono were alone again as Danny ran in the opposite direction in pursuit of supplies.

"My nose is never gonna be the same." Kono complained, still reeling from the shock. The pain had not fully taken effect just yet, but once it did, they would know.

"Your nose is going to be fine." Steve responded.

He noticed that her breathing had grown heavier. He even noticed that it was getting worse the longer they sat there. She also started coughing as she struggled to pull in any air at all.

"That asshole just had to use his elbow, didn't he?" She tried to make a joke. Steve didn't think it was very funny.

Steve couldn't believe her sense of humor was still intact at a time like this. But he couldn't say he was surprised, there were a lot of things about Kono that surprised him.

He laughed at her comment as he went to touch her nose. Steve knew that she was not going to like this, but nothing else seemed to be working.

"Ow!" She shouted as an instinct from the pain, quickly pulling away.

Steve ignored her resistance as he continued his action.

"Ow, stop! Don't touch it!" Kono cried. Her hands flew up to rest on his.

"I'm sorry." He paused, removing his hand. "I won't." He promised as he kneeled in front of her.

A few minutes passed before Danny returned with tissues. Steve did his best to hold them against her nose, hoping to prevent her from bleeding any longer.

Soon, sirens from an ambulance could be heard. It was a distant sound, but they were coming. It had only been five minutes since Kono took the initial hit, but they both felt like they had been sitting there for much longer.

"Is that for me?" Kono asked, as the noise grew louder.

Steve nodded. He noticed her eyes roll.

"I hate ambulances." She confessed.

"Yeah." He stated in agreement. "But, they're kinda part of the job." Steve shrugged.

She groaned, hating the honesty of his statement. She coughed loudly after trying to suppress her laugh.

"I know. It doesn't mean I have to like it." Kono stated with a sigh.

TO BE CONTINUE.

**Thanks for reading! Review, please. Pretty **_**pretty**_** please? **


	4. Chapter 4

I have a million and one ideas for this story. I am hoping to include them all at one point or another. Fingers crossed. Keep the reviews coming and, as always, please enjoy!

**Chapter 4**

_maybe i'm too proud to say i missed you_

"How's your nose?" Steve questioned, as Kono remained seated at her desk.

It had been a few days since her injury.

Following the incident, Kono was sent to the hospital to be examined, but Steve didn't call. He wasn't really sure it was his place to show concern.

He wasn't her boyfriend. Not anymore. It was about time he accepted that. Obviously, he was worried about Kono, but his mind seemed to drift to one thought on multiple occasions. Steve could only think about Dylan being the one to care for her. The thought angered him.

It was her first day back at work, but this was the first time he had seen her all day.

She looked up from her keyboard at the sound of his voice. Steve was shocked by her appearance, but he managed to keep his expression still.

Chin was the only member of the team that had seen Kono since she returned home from the hospital. He had only told Danny and Steve that she was in pain, but was far too stubborn to admit it. That sounded like Kono, Steve thought after hearing the information.

Her bottom lip was split from the punch she received. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. It almost looked like she had two black eyes. Kono did her best to cover up the dark bruises with makeup. It didn't really work, though.

"It's definitely broken." Kono revealed, touching the general area with the tips of her fingers.

"I like the bandage." Steve stated, pointing at the white gauze tapped over her swollen nose. His words were clearly filled with sarcasm.

"I know." She paused, smiling. "It's the next fashion statement."

For the first time in months, they laughed together.

They were having a conversation. A real conversation. It felt good.

Steve's heart ached as she laughed. He never realized how much he actually missed the sound. He never understood just how important the little moments were to him. There were even more important because he had never thought he would ever have them.

When they first broke up, he would have never imagined missing her this much. Never in a million years would Steve McGarrett have thought his life would be so changed by just one woman.

"I'm sorry about your shirt." She apologized.

Steve was confused for a minute before he understood what she had meant. She was talking about the articles of clothing that had been drenched in her blood.

"It's fine." He stated, folding his arms over his chest.

The room was silent for a while. The tension was unbearable. Kono could feel her heart pounding as she resisted the urge to run away. Steve's thoughts wondered to the fact that if things had gone differently, they probably wouldn't be taking about his clothing at the moment. Worst-case scenario, they probably wouldn't have the opportunity to speak at all. Well, unless he was finally declared insane and started to have entire conversations with ghosts.

"I told you not to go after him." Steve's eyes pierced through Kono as he remembered the exact events.

She shrugged. "We got him, didn't we?" Kono questioned, raising her eyebrows.

She knew that Steve hated when she disobeyed orders. Most of the time, the orders were given with her safety in mind, but she always found a way to elevate his blood pressure. Kono would always do anything to get the bad guys. Steve hated that.

Even though he wanted to, he didn't have the right to even consider yelling at her about her impulsivity, since he was the same exact way. If not worse. Neither of them has ever been known for their patience. Patience probably isn't even a word in either of their vocabularies.

"You broke your nose." He stated the obvious.

Kono nodded, fully aware of her injury. "It'll heal." She paused.

The lump growing in Steve's throat prevented him from responding.

**Five-0**

It was finally the end of the day as Kono made her way into the woman's locker room. The pain radiating from her nose was incredible. It had been five days since she came home from the hospital, but it didn't seem to be getting any better. And to make matters worse, Kono refused to take any of the pain medications her doctor prescribed.

She entered the empty room, placing her bag on the bench placed in between the rows of lockers.

Even though she had told herself not to, Kono turned her body towards the mirror. She was fully aware that her appearance was less than great, but it still shocked her to see herself so swollen and beaten up.

Kono leaned forward, removing the now bloody bandage from her nose. The pain heightened as the cold air reached the wound. She sealed her lips shut, an attempt to conceal the searing pain even if she was currently alone.

Not only did the physical pain from her injury hurt, but the emotional pain from her complicated personal relationships also made matters worse. It all seemed to be pilling up at this point. It was all becoming far too much for Kono to handle.

Joining Five-O, she could have never imagined herself in this position. When had her life taken such a disastrous turn? When did she start allowing her heart to control her head?

A part of her wished she could turn back time and make better choices, but it was far too late for that. Before she could prepare herself, her life had changed so drastically, and she couldn't even name the exact moment it happened.

If she were to take her best guess, she imagined the moment being when she realized just how much she loved Steven McGarrett. Yeah, that was probably it.

Kono started at her reflection for a moment before sitting on the bench. She opened her locker as she carefully removed her clothing, more than ready to change into something more comfortable.

She could feel the tears forming in her eyes, but she tried to fight them. She was exhausted. Tired of crying and feeling lost. Kono felt like a majority of her days were spent feeling sorry for herself. She hated it. It made her weak.

Following a bad break up, most girls hope to return to their former selves as if the relationship never happened in the first place. They want to show the world just how strong they actually are, or more importantly, show the guy what they are missing. At least that was what Kono thought. Maybe it was just her.

She wished that her failed relationship hadn't affected her. But, that would only happen in a perfect world. She wondered if she ever would be the same person after what happened.

Instead of moving forwards, she cried, missing the way things once were. Instead, Kono just couldn't figure out how to let go.

She sat there for what seemed like forever, sobbing. Her hands covered her face as she her body hunched over. Her cries echoed through the cold, uncomfortable room that was most definitely judging her.

Suddenly, Kono heard the locker room door open. She didn't have to strength to look at the person entering; her only thoughts were to hide her tears.

A comforting arm rested on her shoulder as someone sat beside her. She chuckled slightly under her breath, embarrassed by her emotional state.

Kono realized that the man in the woman's locker room was Danny. He didn't say anything though. He gave her the time she needed to cry. He understood that her life had turned into one huge mess. He wasn't going to sit there and give her a whole lot of advice. Not now. She wouldn't listen to him anyway.

For several minutes, her sobs were the only noise heard in the otherwise quiet room. Danny absentmindedly squeezed her shoulder every time her cries grew stronger.

"My nose is broken." She managed between a few shaky breaths.

Danny nodded, but also realizing that her tears were not solely because of an injury. It was so much more than that.

"No." He denied her statement, shaking his head. "Your heart's broken."

Nothing else needed to be as Kono rested her head on Danny's shoulder. It felt nice to have someone finally understand the emotional mess she had become. It only took him a few minutes to realize something she refused to believe from the beginning.

A piece of her had been left in Steve's bedroom, the moment she walked away. She wasn't sure if she would ever get it back, but things weren't looking so great at the moment.

**Five-0**

The liquid burned his throat as it made its way down. He stared straight ahead as he finished the contents of his beer bottle. The bar was crowded, but Steve wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings.

His head was spinning, but it wasn't from the alcohol. The tense conversation with Kono and Danny's constant babbling made for an interesting day.

He raised his hand, hoping to get the bartender's attention.

"Rough day?" The perky blonde asked as she grabbed his now empty beer, replacing it with something stronger.

Steve picked up the drink. "Rough year." He corrected, speaking against the rim of the glass.

He looked up at the woman with narrowed eyes. She was young. Her hair was clearly dyed. Her face was covered with what had to be a pound of makeup. If you were to ask him, it really didn't do much for her.

"Are you married?" She asked as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the countertop.

Her dress had to be two sizes to small for her, but Steve knew that is was done on purpose. She wanted the attention. She wanted people to notice her. The tighter the better.

Steve clenched his jaw. "No." He declared simply.

"Well, then, I could probably help you with your problem." She whispered as her fingers played with her hair.

Steve could already tell that he didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"You know," She shrugged before continuing. "If you're up for it?" She finished with a smirk.

Steve noticed that she had lowered her voice, probably trying to seduce him, but it wasn't going to work.

"How old are you?" Steve asked.

He knew that it was kind of an unspoken rule, never ask a woman's age, but she looked young enough to be his daughter.

"Does it matter?" She questioned.

Of course it does, Steve thought. Sleeping with a minor was not the kind of trouble he needed.

"We could have some fun." She whispered.

"I don't think so." He shook his head, declining the offer.

It was unbelievable to him that some woman could actually be this desperate. She was all over him without even knowing his name.

Sure, Steve could have taken the opportunity while it was presenting itself, but it wouldn't mean anything. It would just be another failed attempt to get the only person he couldn't stop thinking about. The reason why he came to this bar in the first place.

Sleeping with the slutty bartender wouldn't change anything. It surely wouldn't change the fact that he was still in love with Kono. It would just be sex.

But considering how things transpired between himself and Kono, Steve knew that anything was possible. Their friendship slowly turned into somewhat of friends with benefits type of thing. It started as sex, but that was what started it all. Being together sexually made both of them hungry for more. Before he knew it, the rookie was all he could think about.

Steve was now positive that he would be single for the rest of his life. Kono destroyed him. He used to be able to have meaningless sex without even thinking, but not anymore. And it was all because of her.

She ruined him without even trying.

While he was wallowing in his pity at some bar in the middle of the night, he knew that she was lying next to another man. That very thought resulted in another round of drinks.

"Are you sure?" She ignored his previous refusal. "The offer is still on the table." She waited with raised eyebrows.

"You're not really my type." He explained, realizing he would have to take drastic measures to get her to leave him alone.

She stood up straight, insulted. Steve assumed she was waiting for his reasoning. She obviously had not been turned down in quite a while.

"And what is your type?" She asked with the curiosity clear in her voice.

He wouldn't say he could blame any guy that had slept with her. This was obviously a normal routine for this woman. She wore a dress that was far too tight before she practically threw herself onto any man that was willing. He would have been one of those guys if he hadn't had enough common sense to know that it wouldn't do any good.

"Brave, loyal, simple," He paused, looking down at his drink.

As he spoke, it occurred to him that he had started to describe the only woman he couldn't have.

"Someone who won't throw herself all over a complete stranger." He finished.

The woman, he still didn't know her name, stepped away from the bar with a shocked expression.

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" She spat at him.

He couldn't blame her for the blunt accusation. He was angry about his pathetic romantic situation and the alcohol making its way through his system was definitely not helping. As much as Steve hoped it would.

"See, aren't you glad you didn't sleep with me?" Steve asked, finishing yet another drink.

Before she could respond, he rose from his seat. He pulled enough money from his wallet to cover the bill before exiting the crowded bar.

TO BE CONTINUED.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_messing with my head like you always did_

Dylan started acting differently, Kono noticed. Nothing significant changed, only minor things that seemed strange. He was not acting like himself. It was beginning to scare her. She had definitely not been doing an amazing job at hiding her stubborn feelings for Steve, but he couldn't know, could he?

It had never really come up. Their previous relationships, that is. When she actually thought about it, they had never really discussed anything too heavy. None of their conversations consisted of talk of the future.

Sure, Dylan had already told her he loved her, but she had not yet repeated the sentiment.

Even if Dylan had in fact become aware of those said feelings, she was not sure she was ready to have that conversation yet. It would get messy and chaotic quickly.

Kono spent a decent amount of time thinking about what kind she wanted to happen with Dylan. The portion of her thoughts dedicated to Steve began to cloud everything else.

She tried to figure out the best way this entire situation could end. She could tell Dylan about her feelings; she might even actually get over them. Maybe there was even a possibility that she would end up happy with Dylan, finally forgetting about Steve. Sure, the thought was nice, but it didn't last very long.

This had gone on for far too long to even considering a good outcome. When things ended, they were going to end badly.

It was only a matter of time.

Kono was sitting at her desk thinking about these things as Steve, Danny, and Chin discussed a case nearby. She was still confined to desk duty because her nose had not completely healed yet.

Sitting in the same spot all day was beginning to get to her. At least while she was working on an investigation, she had something else to focus on. Now, all she had was extra time to torture herself.

She sat in her chair watching Steve. She wanted to pull her eyes away and actually do something productive, but there was not any chance of that happening.

Kono watched his strange behavior. He looked frustrated and tired. She quickly picked up on the fact that he had bags under his eyes. He probably wasn't sleeping much. She realized that she could sympathize with that feeling.

Her bed was far too large and lonely to sleep in. Her bedroom was quiet as she attempted to drift away. Soon enough, the sun peaked through her window curtains as a new day began, only a few hours of sleep separating her from the last one.

A while later, after the guys finished their conversation, Steve and Chin immediately went to their desks while Danny somehow found himself standing in front of Kono.

"Are you okay?" He asked suddenly after a moment of staring.

She nodded without looking up. Kono was still slightly embarrassed about the nervous breakdown Danny witnessed. Usually, she never allowed anyone to see her that vulnerable. And of course, the one person who did just happened to be her ex-boyfriend's best friend.

He sensed her discomfort as she continued to stare at the keyboard.

"I'm not going to tell him." Danny stated. "If that's what you're worried about. I'm not going to tell Steve about what happened." He explained further.

Kono finally looked up, biting her lip. "Thank you for that." She responded with a small smile.

"No problem."

She lowered her head as she placed her hands in her lap. Her fingers became her source of entertainment as she started to over think.

"There's something I need to do." She whispered before standing.

"Good luck." He offered as she approached Steve's office.

He wasn't sure if this was going to end badly, but someone had to take the first step towards fixing things, and Danny was pretty sure it was not going to be Steve.

They were both hurting. Steve was just better at hiding it.

"Can I talk to you, boss?" Kono questioned as she closed the door behind her.

Steve hated when she called him that. The title was too formal for two people that once slept together. It was just another thing that reminded him of everything that had changed.

"I'm kind of busy." Steve declared while scribbling something in his file of paperwork. "Can it wait?" He asked.

"No." She stated harshly.

Steve looked up following her statement. He was surprised by her tone. She clearly had something important to say.

Kono was not going to wait any longer for this conversation. It was already several months in the making. If it were to go on anymore, it would eat her alive.

Things needed to be said. Things needed be fixed. She wouldn't wait for things to get better. She couldn't live like this anymore.

"I'm still in love with you." She revealed suddenly without any sort of built up.

Kono had no idea where her courage came from. She spent months imagining this conversation, but it just never happened. So why now, Kono asked herself as Steve was silent, probably trying to take in her words.

Although he would never admit it to anyone, Steve felt happiness for the first time in a while. He wasn't sure what her confession was going to mean in the next few minutes, but they had to start somewhere. Maybe this was the best place to start.

She stepped away as he moved around his desk. He felt the anger within him build as their foolish dance continued. They had seen each other naked too many times to count, and yet they were suddenly acting like two teenagers at an awkward school dance.

"I'm not telling you this because I want us to get back together." Kono stated, instantly crushing all of his hopes and dreams.

The words left an unpleasant taste in her mouth as soon as they escaped through her lips. She couldn't decide whether her words were the honest truth or what she wanted to believe?

"I'm telling you this because I don't want to be in love with you." Kono shook her head as her hands rested on her hips, hoping to stand her ground.

Steve didn't know what to think. She loves him, but she doesn't want to. How could that ever make sense?

"I'm confused." He announced, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I want to love Dylan." She confessed in a sound just above a whisper.

Steve noticed that her foot was tapping against the floor. He knew that the only time she did this was when she was nervous. Just like him, she had always been a master at concealing her emotions, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

"And what's stopping you?" He questioned already knowing what the answer would be, but he had to hear it from her.

"You are!" She yelled before taking in a shaky breath. Her throat immediately felt like it had been set on fire. It almost as if she couldn't get air into her lungs fast enough.

Steve shook his head. He wouldn't allow her to blame him. Neither of them were perfect people.

"That's not fair." He concluded. "I gave you space."

Kono knew he was right. That was what she asked for. Space. She needed time away from him and them to think about what she wanted. She wanted time to breathe without the pressure of relationship. He gave her what she wanted. Kono couldn't believe where it got her.

"It didn't matter. It didn't change anything." She shrugged. "I'm still in love with you." She whispered.

"But you don't want to be with me?" Steve asked, confused of what she was trying to tell him exactly.

She simply nodded, giving him the only answer he didn't want.

Steve wasn't sure what to say. She had essentially just revealed to him that they couldn't be together. It didn't matter that they both still loved each other. He had no words. What did she want him to say? She had probably already said enough for both of them.

"I need a drink." He stated simply.

Kono smirked slightly. "Can I join you?"

At the moment, nothing sounded better than the possibility of washing away her doubts and fears with a whole lot of alcohol. She would regret it in the morning, but it would help her forget. Forget her problems. Forget the confusion for just one night. She wished she could just forget everything.

"Can you say something?" Kono requested.

The silence was killing her. She quickly discovered that she could not breathe under his harsh gaze.

"What should I say? I can't fix this." He confessed honestly.

"I didn't expect you to." Kono responded.

"Then why now? Why tell me about your feelings now?" Steve stated, demanding an answer.

Kono stayed silent for a moment, pondering his question. Maybe he was right. Maybe things would have been better if she remained silent. By revealing her feelings, she probably just unleashed a whole new set of complications. She instantly regretted having the courage it took to enter his office only a few minutes before.

"Because there comes a point where a person breaks." Kono shrugged. "I broke."

She attempted to hide her tears by smiling, but she assumed that Steve could probably see right through it anyway.

Her statement was almost too honest. Even to her. She had put up with months of agony. Months of over thinking her choices, or more accurately her mistakes. She beat herself up over all of it. Slowly, it started to eat away at the little aspects of her personality that made her who she was. Once she noticed this taking place, Kono realized just how disastrous things had really gotten. How miserable she had become.

Steve watched her as they sat in silence in his office. He examined her expression once she finished speaking. He knew that, in all likelihood, she wanted to run away. But she wouldn't, he knew that as well. She would reveal to him any kind of weakness.

Once he looked close enough, Steve noticed that Kono looked skinny and pale. He would probably never admit it to her, but he noticed.

It looked like she had been losing weight, which is probably not a good thing considering she was small to begin with. It scared him to see that she was literally shrinking right before his eyes.

"What happened to us?" She wondered out loud, not originally intending for him to hear her question.

"You got comfortable. You grew braver and more confident in this job and your skills, but I got protective." Steve stated, recognizing both of their mistakes. "You didn't like that." He pointed out.

Kono raised her eyebrows quickly, smiling slightly. Her words were being stubborn as they refused to come out. He lowered his head, attempting to hide his own smile.

She couldn't believe the turn this conversation ended up taking. Only a few minutes ago, she had just revealed her greatest secret, and nothing happened at all. Sure, they talked about some things, but Kono still had no clue on what she was going to do next. She walked into that office with a clear goal. She tried to be brave in her approach. She wanted to get everything off her shoulders in an attempt to move on, but that surely didn't happen.

She hoped that when she finally ended up walking out of his office, she would finally have her answer. Her decision. What was she thinking?

In that moment, as they sat in silence again, Kono hated herself. She hated herself for ever becoming involved with this man. She hated herself for putting herself in this situation. It was her fault. She had no right in blaming someone else.

She couldn't say she was surprised. Of course she would be the one to find the only man on the entire planet that she couldn't make a relationship work with.

Kono knew that she probably should have payed closer attention to the signs. They were staring her right in the face following their first kiss. They were telling her to stop and turn around, but she clearly had not listened.

"What are you going to do?" Steve questioned randomly.

She swallowed, picking her next words carefully. "I'm going to try and forget about us. Whatever we had." Kono responded honestly.

Steve didn't say anything. He simply stood there with a blank expression on his face. He didn't know what to say, scared of what he might reveal. He didn't know what to think.

"But," She paused. Steve waited. "I don't think it's going to work."

**TO BE CONTINUED. **

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed this story. I have the next few chapters planned out and I cannot wait to edit and post them for you guys! I really love what I have planned and hope you will to. **


	6. Chapter 6

I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and as always, enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

_i won't let you close enough to hurt me_

"It'll be okay." Kono whispered to herself.

The sound of her own voice shot through her ears like a gun firing. Her voice was low and broken. She sounded sad and fragile. Her heart was pounding. Her lungs were gasping for air as her knuckles turned a shade of ghostly white, clutching the steering wheel.

The wind blowing from her open window caused her cheeks to sting. The whether was nice, but the afternoon had brought a damp breeze. Her car was driving down the road as she tried to calm her erratic nerves. She couldn't believe that she was this afraid. This was a new low, enough for her.

As her car turned the corner, the corner she had seen so many times before, her stomach dropped. She could remember walking Milo, Steve's puppy at the time, around the block on Sundays as Steve slept in. He constantly told her that she didn't have to do it, but she didn't care.

She could suddenly remember the smallest details that used to make her smile. Minor details that could have been forgotten if she had just allowed it to happen.

She loved when he made her breakfast. Something she would have never imagined him doing before they were together. It was too domestic for Steve, Kono thought, but he did it anyway. Of course, she never missed an opportunity to tease him about it.

She couldn't even count the number of times they fought about the messes she made. The fights were never serious. Her lack of urgency to keep things clean would simply frustrate Steve. Kono laughed when she discovered that he was incredibly paranoid about his belongings. If ever anything were out of place, he would make sure she knew about it.

Her car slowed down as she approached the familiar house. She swore she could feel her heart twist inside her chest.

Why did she agree to this? She had to be stupid. There was no other possible explanation for why she had agreed to this. It had to be pure stupidity.

It was Fourth of July weekend. The whole team had a few days off for the holiday, a rare occurrence, and it was something she desperately needed.

It had been a couple of weeks since her nose had finally healed. The same amount of time had passed since her revealing conversation with Steve took place. Things became increasingly awkward around the office following her confession, if that was even a possibility.

That's why she was surprised by his invitation. He approached her desk before asking her to come to his house for a small barbecue to celebrate. Her tongue twisted in her mouth at the suggestion. She remembered staying silent for a while, staring up at him with a blank expression as she tried to manage an excuse. Of course she didn't want to go. Why would she? He's her ex-boyfriend. They were in some kind of strange level that made them both uncomfortable. No one had any idea on how to handle the situation. Going to his house for a casual hangout, as he described it, was not going to fix anything.

In her mind, Kono didn't want to have to spend any extra time with him than she needed too. Her heart ached when he was around. She felt useless and insignificant anytime he spoke to her. She hated feeling this vulnerability that only Steve could cause. She despised that hecould still make her stomach turn.

He shouldn't have that kind of power over her. Not anymore.

Her fingers refused to leave the wheel as she parked in front of Steve's house. She didn't want to open the door. She didn't want to open his door. She didn't want to face the confusion awaiting her.

But she did. Eventually.

Kono wasn't sure what motivated her to leave her car, but, before she was even aware, her hand was in a fist, knocking on Steve's front door.

_20 Minutes Earlier _

Danny arrived at Steve's house with Grace almost an hour before Chin. They were all seated out on Steve's back porch, silently watching the waves crash, enjoying the cool summer breeze.

"Hey, do you know where Kono is?" Steve asked suddenly, turning his head towards Chin.

"Wait, what! Kono's coming?" Danny interrupted loudly before Chin could even think about getting a word in.

Steve simply nodded before drinking from his beer bottle.

"Here? Kono is coming here?" Danny questioned further. He pointed his finger at the ground, probably for emphasis, Steve assumed.

"Yes, Danny. We've already covered that." Steve teased, clearly getting on his partner's nerves.

"And you think that's a good idea?" Danny raised his eyebrows, demanding to know.

_Well, you obviously don't_. Steve thought.

Before answering, he noticed that Chin was looking at the two men with a confused expression.

"She's part of the team, Danny." Steve pointed out, shrugging.

Danny could not believe the behavior of these people. How much longer could they go on, torturing themselves, before they finally caved? The constant bickering was exhausting him, and he was never actually a part of the relationship. It was pointless. The arguing wasn't getting them anywhere, obviously. Danny knew he couldn't be the only one that realized it.

Not only did it appear to be pointless, but also it was seemingly never-ending. Day in and day out consisted of the former couple going at each other's throats.

Steve didn't really talk to Danny about where he stood with the relationship, but he just assumed his partner was hurting. Finding Kono sobbing in the locker room had shown Danny just how painful this had been for his teammates. Spending the afternoon together was a horrible idea. For everyone involved.

Danny turned his head, looking at his daughter. She didn't even seem to notice the commotion. She was too busy playing with Steve's dog, Milo. He had never thought Steve would have a pet, but after almost a year of knowing him, Steve brought Milo into his home, only a couple of months before things became serious with Kono. Back when their relationship good, something Danny could hardly remember at this point.

He smiled to himself as Steve threw the toy in her hands before waiting for it to return. Grace laughed as the dog ran as the object flew through the air. He made a mental note to himself to buy his daughter his puppy.

He excused himself before his seat dragging Steve along with him. Although he protested, Steve followed behind before they found themselves in the kitchen.

"What is wrong with you?" Steve questioned, leaning against the counter, folding his arms over his chest casually.

Danny raised his eyes with his mouth opening slightly. He couldn't believe the things he had to deal with on a daily basis. He wouldn't be surprised if he woke up with a few grey hairs the next morning.

"There is nothing wrong with me! Have you gone completely insane?" He shouted, pointing his fingers enthusiastically.

Steve didn't respond, truly hoping to avoid one of Danny's classic rambling sessions. But, of course, Steve knew that his attempts weren't going to do much in preventing the inevitable.

He was aware that by inviting Kono to his house, he would be adding just another complication to their long list, but he did it anyway. He tried to understand why he had after she accepted the gesture.

He still loved her. Sure, but he already knew that.

He wanted to spend time with her. Of course he does.

He missed driving home together after a long case. He missed the comfort she provided when he was hurting. It amazed him just how quickly she could pick up on his pain. It scared him that someone could ever know him that well.

He desperately missed feeling her warm body beside him in the middle of the night when he couldn't seem to sleep.

He missed the feeling of knowing that she would always be there in the morning. His mornings were now lonely and quiet.

He showered, got dressed, and drank his coffee before leaving in his truck. He realized that he arrived to work much quicker now that Kono wasn't around to distract him.

He simply missed having her around. He missed seeing her in his home. It always made him feel good when he saw her stuff taking up space in his bedroom or the bathroom nearby.

But all of that stuff was gone now.

Steve drove home alone.

No one was there when he needed comfort. It didn't take long for him to notice that he was drinking more.

When he woke up during the night, the right side of the bed was always empty. Once he woke up, there was no hope to ever return to sleep.

It was simple. He missed her. And it wasn't just one thing that stood out in thoughts.

He missed everything about her.

The last time she had been to his house was the day she decided to leave. The day she walked out was the last time he ever woke up with Kono sleeping next to him.

Well, when he actually thought about it, that wasn't entirely true. The only exception was the night they shared following their breakup, but Steve chose not to include that event.

The night, as amazing as it was, didn't mean anything. It didn't change anything. They were still apart. It didn't fix their problems.

He was desperate, and Steve discovered that his desperation always found her. That night, he ended up on her front porch, hoping for something. The sex was incredible, full of passion and wanting, but Steve wanted more than one night.

He wanted her all to himself. Forever.

"Inviting your ex-girlfriend to your house is never a good idea, my friend." Danny patronized.

"Kono and I want to be friends." Steve stated as he opened the door to his refrigerator, grabbing another beer.

Danny raised his eyebrows once again. "I thought you said she has a boyfriend?"

"She does." Steve nodded, opening the bottle in his hands. "It doesn't mean we can't be friends."

_Of course it does, Steven. What are you thinking? _He thought to himself as quickly as the words escaped.

He hated that she was happy with someone. He hated that ever let her go. He hated himself because he knew that had essentially pushed her into someone else's arms.

How was he supposed to be friends with the woman he loved? The woman he still wants to be with. It doesn't seem entirely possible in his head. Everything was far too complicated and too far-gone to even ponder the thought of a simple friendship.

Friendship would involve ignoring their entire relationship. Denying that they ever had feeling for each other. Steve never had any intentions of doing that.

"You have to be stupid! You're still in love with her!" Danny's accusation pulled Steve's focus back to the conversation. "You love her. How do you expect to be friends knowing that?" He questioned.

Steve shrugged. He couldn't give his partner any kind of an answer because he didn't have one for himself.

"When it comes to relationships, you and Kono have got to be two of the ignorant people I know." Danny stated before rolling his eyes and storming off in a huff.

He brought the tip of bottle to his lips, leaning against the counter. As he finished the remaining contents, Steve could hear a faint knock at his front door.

"I'm going to need another beer." Steve sighed to himself, as he stood alone in the kitchen.

Kono stood on the front steps with shaking hands. She knocked again when a moment passed without any type of response. She looked down at her outfit. Before leaving her home, Kono had not spent much time thinking about what she would wear. She was far too nervous for that.

Her long skirt was blowing in the slight breeze as she ran her fingers over the fabric. She would not normally wear a skirt, but the cool summer evening called for it.

The door suddenly opened, as her head remained bowed. She was surprised to see that her cousin was actually the one to open it when she decided to look up.

Kono noticed the concern in his eyes, but she tried to dismiss it with the best smile she could manage.

"Are you okay?" Chin asked as he held the door open.

"No." She responded.

**To Be Continued. **

Thank you for all of the reviews. Please continue to write them. They are always appreciated. Oh, and according to my plan, this story only has a few chapters left, but I'll be sure to make them count.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_i'll tell you that i'm all figured out or maybe i just like how that sounds. _

Her first step into the home surprised her. She could feel her breath catch in her lungs as she examined her surroundings. Everything looked exactly the same from the last time she had seen it.

The layout of the furniture, the feeling of the rooms, it was all the same. Even the various awards hanging on his walls had not changed in the slightest. It baffled Kono that Steve would ever be embarrassed of his incredible accomplishments, but staring at them now, she could remember the numerous times he had complain of their placement.

He had never been the person to brag about his experiences, but she could vaguely recall encouraging him to accept the great things he had done. No matter how many times she said it, his response was always the same. He simply rolled his eyes before nodding his head. She knew that he would never agree with her theory, but he pretended to. For her.

At the time, Kono's heart flipped with excitement whenever they had a simple, yet meaningful moment. Thinking about those moments now, it made her heart ache.

A minuscule part of her had truly thought something about his home would be different the next time, if there would ever be a next time, she stepped inside. She, herself, had thrown away her comfortable because of the simple fact that he had slept there once.

Her thoughts instantly went back to the day she decided to remove her sheets from her bed. The sheets smelt too much like him. The smell was strong and overpowering even when she tried to ignore it.

That final night they shared was the breaking point for Kono. It was all too much. Her heart and her head couldn't handle it. She tore apart her entire home, looking for anything that belonged to Steve. She definitely did not need it lying around her place.

Kono's attention returned to her cousin when she felt his reassuring hand on her back. She swore she could almost feel Chin give her a gentile shove, hoping to propel her forward, she assumed.

"You don't have to do this. I can take you home." Chin suggested, taking hold of her shoulder, unsure of how she was truly feeling. She looked just about ready to fall over from exhaustion.

Kono knew that her cousin would always want to protect her, but she had to this. She had been running for a year already. She had to face her problems.

Chin shouldn't have to protect her from her relationship issues. She didn't want anyone to pity her. Her independence and stubbornness used to be something that gave her strength. It amazed her just how much things had changed.

"I can do this." She nodded, turning to face him.

She was aware that her smile was incredibly fake, but she didn't care. It was the best she could manage with the manic nerves threatening to take over her body. It would have to do.

Kono could tell that he wasn't going to accept it. He was the closest thing she would ever have to a brother, and because of that he probably knows far too much about her than she comfortable with.

She had to handle this complicated situation without his help. Her personal trauma shouldn't be her cousin's issue.

"If you're sure?" Chin raised his eyebrows, waiting for her answer.

Her instincts were telling her to scream. She wanted to take Chin up on his offer. She wanted to go home, get under her warm blankets and watch a really depressing movie. Kono wanted to leave before Steve realized she was there. Everything she wanted and needed came crashing together and she didn't know what to think anymore. She wanted someone to fix everything for her, but she would never actually allow it to happen. Her problems were her own to deal with and she was not able to let her cousin solve them for her.

Before she could respond, Kono felt a pair of tiny hands wrap around her waist. Her eyes directed down at her feet as Grace hugged her. She gave Chin another smile before bending down, reaching the same eye level with Danny's daughter.

"Kono!" Grace shouted with sheer excitement.

Something inside of Kono melted as this little girl's eyes lit up just by the very sight of her. How could someone love her like that? She was too broken to ever return the feelings. But Grace didn't know that.

Her head began to pound as she imagined the life she wanted for this young girl standing in front of her. Kono never wanted Grace to ever feel any pain. She knew that her wishes were impossible. No one's life is perfect. Everyone gets thrown a few curveballs that they are never really prepared for.

Kono had always admired Danny for the relationship he shared with his daughter. He was her hero, but Kono constantly tried to look out for her as well. The whole team did, but she felt like she and Grace shared a special bond simply because of their gender.

Kono was once Grace. She grew up thinking her father was Superman, someone who could solve anything. She believed in fairytales and prince charming like every young girl should, but then life happened. Reality happened. Kono discovered the ugly truths about love and disappointment through experience.

For as long as Kono had known her, Grace had always been such a happy young girl with an amazing amount of energy. Pain should never enter her innocent heart. Heartbreak should never destroy her vibrant soul.

Kono wanted to keep her safe from everything she knew could hurt her. She wanted Grace to learn from her own mistakes.

"Hi, sweetheart! Have you gotten bigger?" Kono asked, touching Grace's nose with the tip of her finger, resulting in a sweet giggle.

"No, Daddy said that I'm probably going to stay short." Grace countered with a shake of her head.

Kono grabbed a piece of Grace's hair, playing with the ends of it. "Oh, really? And why is that?" She wondered with the first genuine smile she could actually recall.

"Because he's short." She explained quickly before adding a shrug.

Kono laughed at her behavior as she headed towards the beach once again. She returned to her feet to find that Danny and Steve were both standing by her cousin now.

"Hi." She greeted, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Hi." Steve was the first to respond. "Thanks for coming." He continued, his hands in his pockets.

"Thanks for inviting me." She stated, putting an awkward end to the brief interaction.

She waited for something to happen, waiting for someone else to say something interesting, to direct the attention away from her. Chin continued to watch her, she noticed. Being under that kind of scrutiny made her feel like a child again. It felt like she was being judged for every single move she made. It took all of her power not to take Chin's offer then.

The sound of paws hitting the hard for as they approached her gave her something else to focus on. She turned to see Milo running towards her with a bone hanging out of the side of his mouth.

"Hey, buddy!" She exclaimed, leaning down to pet him. "I've missed you."

Steve, Danny and Chin all stood nearby watching the scene. Steve smiled slightly as Milo licked Kono's cheek, her laugh filling the room.

Steve could feel a hand patting his shoulder. He noticed Danny's smirk widen as he leaned closer.

"I think she might actually miss the dog more than she misses you." He teased.

…..

The night continued without much development. Kono played with Grace and Milo in the water as the guys drank their beers.

Dinner was prepared, as the group waited for the fireworks to start once the sun had gone down.

The meal was incredibly awkward for everyone present. Well, everyone except for Grace. She didn't know about anything that had happened in the past few months. For most of the dinner, Grace went on and on about her school. No one really cared though; all of them absolutely loved her company.

The table was quiet for a while. No one spoke. The only sounds were coming from chewing and forks hitting plates. Steve reached for his beer as both Danny and Chin gave him strange looks. Kono played with her hands in her laps as she finished her plate, growing increasingly uncomfortable as the minutes passed.

Once again, Grace interrupted the tension.

"Kono?" She called out as she propped her elbows onto the table.

Kono raised her head at the sound of her name. "Yeah, sweetheart?"

Grace looked down at her plate, unsure if she should be asking. "Are you okay?" She continued anyway.

Kono shifted her head in response. She raised her eyebrows out of confusion. "Yeah, I'm okay." She confirmed, nodding.

Grace waited. Kono could tell that she was thinking about something. What that something was, she had no idea.

"Why'd you ask?" Kono wondered.

She noticed that everyone else at the table had been wondered the same thing if their body language was any clue. They all leaned in closer as Kono asked her question.

Grace shrugged, leaning back in her seat. "I don't know." She answered before pausing again. "You seem sad."

Kono was going to respond when the young girl's statement caught her off guard. She couldn't speak. Any attempt at putting together a decent sentence failed when she tried. She was far too wrapped up in her thoughts to even speak. Kono could feel Steve's shocked eyes on her, but she ignored them as the room fell silent.

Danny rested his arm on the table, moving closer to his daughter. "Grace, honey, that wasn't very nice." He started, sensing the discomfort written all over her face.

He hoped that she would apologize for her sudden accusation. This was one of those moments where Danny realized just how much his daughter was like him. Over time, he noticed that she really didn't have much of a filter when she spoke, just like him. Whenever she had a thought, it escaped her lips without even taking a second to think. Sometimes it got her in trouble. Other times he admired her for this.

"No, Danny, it's okay." Kono interrupted, finally snapping out of the daze she had temporarily fallen into.

She was shocked by Grace's statement. Kono knew that it was probably the truth, but she never wanted Grace to know about it. She honestly believed that she had hidden her feelings pretty well. Obviously, she was sadly mistaken. This young girl had figured it out without any help.

"Grace, I'm okay." She paused. "I promise." It wouldn't be the first time she had lied to someone. Especially herself.

Kono took a sigh of relief once she realized that Grace had accepted her promise. She looked around the table, at the people surrounding her before quietly excusing herself.

…..

Following their meal and fully composing herself, Kono entered the kitchen for some reason. A reason she could not seem to remember once she noticed Steve's presence.

They danced around each other as they both went about accomplishing what they wished to do. There were small moments when Kono thought Steve might actually say something, but that moment never came.

Somehow, they ended existed in the room without having to say a word. She leaned against his counter with her eyes directed straight ahead. He stared back at her with such intensity; she could almost hear his thoughts.

She knew that they were on the same page. Everything was too confusion to ever think about resolving anything. Neither of them had any idea of when things would get better. For Kono, she felt that the sooner it were too happen, it would better for everyone. She knew that Steve was probably having near identical thoughts, but neither would mention them aloud.

She assumed that they were both thinking about what Grace had said in their silence, but it was one of those things that would remain unspoken.

Kono, once again, wondered why she was torturing herself. She could once remember why exactly they had ending things, but, standing there with him, she no longer could. The reasons were clear and present at the time she decided to walk away, but everything seemed to blur as time continued to pass.

"Do you realize that we probably spend more time together now, than we ever did when we were actually together?" She asked suddenly.

Once she said it, Kono didn't regret it. She couldn't quite figure it out, but as always, when she's around him, her anger and the temper she usually hides always escapes.

"It's pathetic, Steve." She declared.

It _is _pathetic. Should he tell her that he agreed? He wasn't sure of what he was supposed to say. But before he got the chance, she was gone, walking in the opposite direction, leaving him feeling defeated.

**To Be Continued. **

Again, thank you to everyone that has reviewed this story. It means a lot and keeps me writing. Keep them coming!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_maybe there's things i never showed you_

The waves crash in front of Kono. The soft sound of the water meeting the sand forces a strange sense of calm to wash over her. The large swells of blue effortlessly reached the sand as it rushed towards her feet. The water was cold, but she didn't mind. It almost felt nice. The cycle was slowly starting to numb her toes as they found themselves buried in a layer of wet sand. She responded with a sigh. A sigh full of built up frustrations and pain that is slowly destroying her. Her shoulder felt heavy and weak as she straightened back before wrapping her arms around her knees, pulling them close to her chest. Her entire body felt numb, both inside and out, but her brain had not done the same. It was constantly turned on, torturing her with thoughts of the past. A past she was desperately trying to move on from.

She did her best to ignore the conversations taking place behind her, hoping to lose herself for just a few minutes. Lost in the sound of the ocean, the place she considers to be a second home. To think about the amount of time she had spent in this very water throughout the course of her twenty something years was almost enough to bring on a headache. There were times that she wondered who she would have been if she had never lived in Hawaii. If she had not grown up in a place like this, an island surrounded by an endless amount of water, what kind of person would she have become instead of the one she is today? She couldn't even bare to idea. It hurt too much to think about.

It was all she had ever known. This place. The clear blue meeting the golden horizon during the sunset, it was her home. She grew up in the ocean and somewhere along the line, surfing had become her life. It was so much more than a hobby. For some, it was a just that. Something they did in their spare time or when they had nothing better to do, but for Kono, surfing was almost like her therapy. Same affect, but much cheaper. It didn't cost her anything to sit on her board, slowly rocking as the water moved under her. The water stretching around her in every direction helped her forget any problems that existed on the dry land only a short distance away. Her thoughts were cleared and her body could relax instantly when she surfed. She felt at home.

For the first time in a while, everything inside of her felt peaceful. The wind moved a lock of hair across her cheek, but she had hardly noticed. The sound of her voice being called was the first think to bring her back to reality. It was still Fourth of July. She was still at Steve's home, waiting for this uncomfortable night to end. For a while though, Kono had been able to forgot about it all.

Her body turned slightly to face the house behind her, her eyes taking a second to examine the scene. Grace was seated on Danny lap as his one sided discussion with Chin about his desire to return to Jersey continued. His hands were flying through the cool air as he spoke. Each one of them knew that Danny absolutely despised the pineapple infested island, what he liked to refer to it as, and he made sure no one was able to forget it. They also knew that while he made threats about leaving, they would never come to anything. He had come to Hawaii for his daughter and as long as she was here, he would be too. A faint sound escaped Kono's lips when she noticed her cousin sink in his chair. He clearly expected to be there for a while. Kono wasn't sure if she had actually managed a laugh, but it felt pretty damn close.

Before turning again, Kono noticed Steve's eyes directed at her. He was seated next to Chin, but had long since tuned out Danny's rant. His elbows were rested on his knees, while his hands were clasped together, his palms rubbing against each other. She was sure he had seen her catch him staring, but he didn't seem to have any plans to break his gaze. She swallowed hard as the amount of emotion contained in his eyes. It was enough to make her gasp. It strangely resembled a look she could vividly remember him using during their most intimate moments. Full of intensity and desire.

Seeing it return to his face now, Kono instantly felt the guilt within her chest expand and creep up again. She would never admit it to anyone, but she actually missed seeing that expression on his face. It reminded her of a time where she had not screwed everything up and walked away. A time where things were good between them. The memory was hard one to remember.

Her path of vision was directed towards the water in front of her once again as she attempted to forget the fact that Steve was watching her. Her heart was pounding, almost as if it was about to explode, and she couldn't seem to manage two decent breaths. They were shallow and unsteady, forcing her to look away. Kono wondered how she had gotten herself in this position. She was currently sitting a few feet away from Steve's home. A home she had once imagined living in. With him. There was once a time, only a few months before, where she had foolishly allowed her imagination to think about a future with Steve. An impossible future, Kono realizes now. It was stupid of her to think that she ever actually had a chance to spend forever with this man. A Navy SEAL that probably spends at least double the time talking about weapons rather than his own emotions. What was she thinking? From the very beginning, their relationship had been doomed. She should have known better.

Her stomach dropped at the thought of the life she had imagined for herself and Steve. A dream that was never revealed to anyone, but still existed somewhere in her thoughts, hidden away. When things were good for them, the feeling that she could possibly raise a family in the home behind her didn't seem like such a worthless thought. Thinking about it now, the idea sounded like completely nonsense. Instead of dreaming about something she would never have, she should have been spending time preparing herself for the inevitable. Of course, as their relationship progressed and became more serious, they had had a brief discussion about what their future would hold in two, three years time. Those conversations never seemed to last very long. Probably because they were both uncomfortable with the topic, but the fantasy of a wedding ring being slipped onto her finger had long since disappeared, vanishing the moment she walked away.

"Hey." A voice cut through the disarray of her thoughts, a hand reaching down to squeeze her shoulder.

Kono wasn't sure if she had imagined herself jumping, but it seemed like he had noticed her surprise. It almost felt she had been thinking her thoughts aloud and had been caught. Now that would have been awful, she thought. Finally, she peeled her eyes from the water to look up at the man hovering over her. She wasn't entirely surprised to see that _that_ look had not left his eyes just yet. It was even more intense now that he was only a foot or two away from her now. They were both motionless before he proceeding to sit beside her. Almost too close. If someone were to ask her, she would have sworn that she could latterly feel the heat radiating off of his skin, on to her own. The scent of his cologne immediately hit her when he shifted in his position. It took all of her strength not to run towards the water with ever intention to immersing herself underwater, curious of how much more she could possibly take.

Almost as if sensing her nerves, he pulled his legs up before resting his forearms on top of his knees, following her lead in watching the waves.

"Hi." She greeted quietly. For a second, she thought about moving away, just an inch or two, but decided against it.

"Thank you for coming tonight, Kono." He stated while looked at her. Or more like the side of her. She wouldn't look at him. She couldn't.

When she had first taken her place in the sand, the sun was just starting to set; slowly making it's way out of the sky, about to meet the water. Now, only the top of the star could be seen over the horizon. The yellow, almost orange glow radiating in the dark sky almost looked like a scene straight out of a movie.

"Has it really been a year?" Steve interrupted, his thumbs playing with a few grains of sand.

He was staring at her again. She could just feel it. Her palms started to sweat as she thought about his incredibly vague question. Although he had chosen not to elaborate further, Kono was sure she knew what he had meant. Almost a year to the day, she had walked away from him. From their entire relationship, without much of an explanation at all. It seemed like an entire lifetime to Kono. She found a sense of comfort in knowing that Steve actually sympathized with the feeling.

Her shoulders shrugged at the very thought. "It doesn't feel like it. It feels like it's been longer." Kono agreed. It didn't seem possible that only twelve months had passed. It most definitely felt like her life had been screwed up for much longer. "We sat here last year." She pointed out, waving weakly towards the water. "Watching the fireworks."

The year before, they were directly in the middle of their lowest point. They argued constantly. Some even got physical. Nothing too horrible, but they couldn't deny the fact either. Their relationship was on its way to the bottom and they seemed to be no way to prevent it from crashing. Kono would be the first to admit that neither had really done anything to save it, both too exhausted to try. It seemed like a distant memory now.

Her hands gently moved up and down her arms, hoping to wash the chill away from her skin, goose bumps quickly forming. Until then, it hadn't occurred to her just how much the temperature had actually dropped since she first started watching the waves. She sucked in a breath of air before releasing another only a moment later.

"Where's Dylan tonight?" Steve was the first to interrupt the silence once again. For someone who can barely speak on a normal basis, he was really on a roll tonight.

When Steve first invited her to come, he had told her that Dylan was more than welcome to come as well. Steve had convinced himself that he did not have any ulterior motive for asking, but wasn't entirely shocked when she arrived, alone. It surely would have been awkward if her boyfriend had come, but they would have managed. At least he had hoped they would have, but he still had not met the guy she was with and it bothered him greatly. As the ex-boyfriend, he really didn't have any reason to met this guy, but as the man that was still currently in love with her, he needed to know more than this guy's name. He would never tell anyone, but Steve definitely felt a bit of jealousy towards a man he had never actually laid eyes on.

"He had to work." She informed him after clearing her throat suddenly.

The topic of Dylan was bound to come up eventually, but Kono had kind of been hoping that she would be able to avoid it all together. It just wasn't something two exes should talk about. It wouldn't end well.

While she had not really enjoyed the idea of spending the holiday away from her boyfriend, the nerves of having to show up on Steve's front door quickly replaced the feeling. She had been terrified to knock of his front door. The same front door that she had once had the key to. This house was once her home, but it wasn't anymore. It was just Steve's home now and she was living across town in an apartment she hated. Showing up tonight, Kono wasn't sure what had kept her from bolting from the front steps the moment he arrived.

Suddenly, she felt Steve's hand brush against her exposed knee, but didn't allow herself more than a few seconds to think about it. It hadn't meant anything.

"What does he do?" Steve questioned curiously. He looked at her while she continued to stare straight ahead. There was a slight pull at her forehead as she furrowed her eyebrows. "I never asked." He finished.

"He's a lawyer. He has his own, um, business, actually." Kono answered, her words mixing together in her mouth as they attempted to leave.

Steve wasn't surprised by her surprise. He wasn't surprised at all to learn that Dylan had his entire life in order. He was a guy with everything in place. His job provided him with tons of money to make sure any woman he was with was happy. That woman just happened to be Kono at the moment. He was Steve had been dying to know things about her new boyfriend, but the more he discovered, the more he was starting to hate this guy. It was the exact opposite of himself, Steve realized. He's entirely too complicated for one woman to handle. His obvious daddy issues always made for interesting conversations. It had to be easier for her to be with a guy like Dylan.

"I get why you love him." He clenched his jaw once he heard the words leave his own mouth. He never intended to say them aloud, but he wasn't sure if he regretted them either. At least not yet.

"Steve, I..." Kono faltered, the words getting lost. She wanted to stop him. She wanted so badly for him to take it back. She wanted to kiss him and tell him the entire truth. She needed to remind of the fact that she was still completely in love with him. Didn't he remember? She had told him, point blank, that she did not love Dylan.

"I get why you want to love him instead." He corrected, almost as if knowing what she was about to say.

"He's better than me." Steve shrugged. As he spoke, he lowered his head, feeling like he had just revealed way too much.

Her heart broke for him. What had led him to believe that he was this horrible guy? Sure, he has his issues. His father had enlisted him in the Navy before he was even out of high school. The trained had been intense and brutal, turning into a different person than he had been upon entering the service. And sure, he is way too invested in his job for his own good, but his experiences had made him the man she had fallen in love with. She would never want him to be anyone else. Suddenly, it occurred to Kono that they had quickly switched positions from the start of this conversation. At first, she was hesitant to make eye contact with him, not entirely confident in her self-control and what she might tell him. But now, the roles had since reversed. He wouldn't look at her anymore, while he had been staring before. And now, he was watching his hands rub together as she kept her eyes locked on him.

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You're a better guy than you think." Kono whispered through a soft smile. She wanted to reach out to touch him, provide comfort in someway, but stopped herself before doing so.

Kono couldn't believe that he was comparing himself to Dylan. Steve recognized that they were completely different people, but besides from that, she didn't have a clue of any other thoughts he was having. His accusation of Dylan being a better man made complete sense, but seemed to go against everything she had continued to feel for months. In a perfect world, she would have moved on completely. She would have given her entire heart to another man. To Dylan. She would have already fallen in love with him already. In a perfect world, she could get married and have tons of babies with anyone other than Steven McGarrett. It would definitely make her life a whole lot easier.

So why did she still love him? Why did she still want all of those things with _him_? It didn't make any sense to her.

She likes Dylan and she wants to be happy with Dylan. At least that's what she had decided to tell herself, but it's mostly because she is aware that nothing will ever work with Steve. As much as might want it to.

For most of her life, love was a foreign feeling to her. She had only truly known it once, and that one time had been with Steve. When they were together, they had their incredibly horrible moments that made them want to tear each other apart, but when it was good, it was amazing. Dylan makes her happy. He makes her smile whenever he's around. He makes her laugh. Kono feels like she could have a good life with him. But Steve makes her feel special. He makes her feel wanted. Even now.

Dylan is simple. He isn't complicated. He knows how to communicate whenever something is bothering him. He doesn't drive you crazy. Dylan is exactly what she needs right now.

He isn't her boss. He isn't Steve, but maybe that's the problem.

Before either of them could say anything in response to her compliment, a loud boom echoed through the air. A flash of color lit the darkness as other fireworks followed close behind. Kono looked up at the sound, but Steve couldn't seem to direct his eyes away from her. He watched her expression change as the fireworks exploded in the sky.

**To Be Continued. **

Thank you for reading. If you've enjoyed this, please leave me a review. I didn't receive many for the last chapter, and I want to make sure that people are still reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Hello! Firstly, I would like to thank everyone that has read and reviewed the last two one-shots I posted. I love getting all of your feedback, and I honestly never expected to get so many kind words. So, thank you for that!

Okay, for some reason, I'm kind of really proud of the one. I don't know why, but I am. I hope that you feel the same. There are probably mistakes, but I hope that you can forgive me. Enjoy!

**Chapter 9 **

Steve couldn't believe how tired he was. It felt like days since he had woken up to report to work. The day had moved slowly, not much to do, but the paperwork that needed to be definitely kept him occupied. Following their lunch break, all of them, Danny, Chin, Kono, and himself had made their way into their separate offices. Which is where they stayed for several hours now. It was now nearing seven o'clock in the evening. Almost time to leave and Steve had to admit that he couldn't wait.

He closed the file sitting open in front of him. He wasn't sure how many he had completely, but he knew that he needed a break. He stretched out his arms in both directions, loosening his sore muscles, before leaning back in his seat. The office was pretty much silent, a rare occurrence, while Steve examined it through his windows. He could see Danny, who looked to be half asleep, slumped over in his position. Suddenly, his ears recognized the sound of someone speaking. It was an unfamiliar voice, Steve being unable to place it, but he tried. It was definitely male, he knew that much. The voice was low and deep. Yes, definitely male.

His eye scanned the room, hoping to find the source of the voice. Once he did, he wondered why he had not figured it out sooner. Of course it had been coming from the team's only female's office. Steve had to turn his head once he saw the man leaning into to kiss Kono. He tried to focus his attention on something else, anything else, but failed miserably. He could feel his muscles tighten once again and his jaw clench. Everything in his body tensed at the sight of another man touching her. Touching her shoulders, her cheeks, even her jaw. It was killing him to watch this.

Steve knew exactly who this man was. It was the infamous Dylan touching his teammate. He tried to disconnect himself by referring to her as just that in his head, but she was so much more. Kono was once his girlfriend, the only woman he had ever seen himself spending forever with, but not anymore.

No, now, they are just teammates, only talking about cases and criminals. He went home alone every night, hating the silence once he arrived, while she had since moved on. She had moved on, and he was still watching her from across the hall. Is it slightly creepy? Sure. He would admit to that, but he couldn't just get up and talk to her. Not like he used to. Not like he wanted to.

So, he stares and he watches, waiting to see if she does the same.

He could hear Kono laugh, watching as she throws her head back, hair falling from her shoulders. She was cleaning up her desktop as Dylan spoke. Steve couldn't make out the sentences, but it was making her laugh. He studied the man. He had to be at least six foot, a hundred and eighty pounds, and brown hair, lighter than his own. Steve narrowed his eyes at the sight of the suit. He could remember Kono informing him that Dylan was a lawyer, self-employed, and Steve made the assumption that he had just come from work to see her. He was probably there to pick her. To take her home. Steve didn't want to think any further than that. He didn't want to think about what might happen between them once they got there.

His line of sight changed quickly once he heard the sound of his door opening and shutting, distracting him momentarily. Steve turned his head to see Chin standing in the doorway, holding a folder in his hand. Had he seen? Did he know that he was watching his young cousin from across the hall? Steve could feel his heartbeat quicken in his chest at the thought, but knew that there wasn't anything he could do to change it now.

Chin approached the front of the desk, placing the folder he had been holding on top, before crossing his arms over his chest, his eyebrow raising instantly. "What are you doing?" He asked with an accusing look in his eye, Steve noticed.

"Oh, I was just trying to get some paperwork done." Steve replied after clearing his throat. Knowing that he had been caught didn't stop Steve from trying to pass his actions off as nothing, hoping to avoid any painful conversation the question might bring. He was in no mood to be lectured by his ex-girlfriend's very overprotective cousin. Not today. Not after what he had just caught him doing. It would not end well.

But Chin was not convinced at all. Steve watched the smirk pull at his mouth, threatening to appear. Oh, no. Here it comes. He couldn't wait for this. "Sure." He teased with a nod.

Steve shrugged in response, leaning back in his chair once again. Suddenly, he started to feel very uncomfortable. He wanted to get up from his chair, walk out of the office, get into his truck, and drive. Drive as far away as he could get. He wanted to do anything to distract himself the image he had just witnesses. He didn't want to talk about this.

The last year of his life had been consumed by the complicated relationship he now had with Kono. Were they going to get back together? Would he ever be able to move on if they didn't? Both questions still didn't have answers, now months later, and it was getting frustrating. It had been months since Kono had started dating Dylan, if he remembered correctly, but today was the first Steve had actually seen of him. He wondered if she would ever introduce them. Probably not. What would she say? Dylan, this is Steve, my boss-slash-ex-boyfriend. I'm still in love with him, but don't want to be. Yeah, that doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. He really couldn't blame her for keeping their paths from crossing. But, today they did.

Kono and her boyfriend were currently kissing in her office, making his blood boil, while he was on the received end of questioning glares from Chin.

"She's happy" Chin spoke. It was a simple statement, not much to it, but Steve knew that there was more meaning behind it. There had to be.

Steve was glad to hear that. Even though he didn't get to be with her, he would never, ever, wish her anything but the best. A huge part of him still loves her and wants her to be happy. Even if it's with him. Even if it's with Dylan. He wants all of that, and more, for her, because she deserves it.

He nodded, playing with the cap of the pen he was now holding. "You've met him?" Steve felt he needed to ask. He needed to know if she had introduced her new boyfriend to anyone in her family. He was sure she had. Of course she had.

Steve knew that almost every one of her relatives were not happy when they heard that she had joined the Governor's task force. They believed that it was too dangerous for a rookie. Too much of a risk. But when they discovered that she had started dating the leader of that very force, they were less than pleased. To be honest, Steve couldn't blame them. If he were to have a daughter one day, he would never want her to be with someone like him. He was sure the tattoos were the first turn-off. He was sure that the grenades and guns did not do much to help his case.

But Dylan is a lawyer. There is no risk in that. No one points guns at lawyers. No one shoots lawyers. His job isn't dangerous. His job isn't a constant battle between whether or not he'll make it home that night. It only made sense that her family would be much more approving of her new relationship with Dylan over the one she had shared with him.

Steve has no illusion about what his job descriptions is. His life is constantly on the line. He has enemies that want to see him dead and they want to be the one to make sure the job is done. And because of it, Kono has enemies. She is a part of his team. He hates to admit that it's his fault, but she is constantly put in danger because of him. Her family had every right to hate him.

"Once or twice." Chin confirmed after a long silence. He shrugged before heading towards the door once again.

Steve nodded again before noticing that the man in his office had something else to see. He looked like he was contemplating what he was allowed to say. How much he should reveal.

There was a moment of hesitation before he spoke. "She's happy and he's good for her." _And you're not_. Chin didn't say those exact words, but Steve knew what he meant. Or rather, what he really wanted to say.

….

Her back rested against the fabric of the couch. She could feel Dylan's arm moving to rest on her shoulder. His fingertips grazed the skin as she turned to look at him, away from the television show they were currently watching.

It was some stupid reality show that somehow turned a bunch of random people into celebrities over night. While it really had no right being on the air, Kono had to admit that it was entertaining.

Kono had returned home after a long day from work only an hour or two before. Dylan had come by to pick her up, coming directly from his office. The drive to her apartment had only taken ten minutes before they were walking through her front door. Instantly, Dylan made his way into the bathroom with every hope of changing out of his business suit. He had brought an over night bag along with him, grabbing it from the backseat once they arrived. It was filled with everything he may need to stay over.

While he changed, Kono migrated towards her rather small kitchen. Her stomach was making the strangest noises because she had stupidly avoided lunch that day. She couldn't even remember the last time she had eaten. She searched through the cabinets, hoping to find something appetizing, but knew that it wasn't likely. Grocery shopping had never been her favorite thing to do in her free time. There had been multiple occasions where she had managed to go a couple weeks without making a trip to the store. Steve used to tease her about it. That she was only with him for the food in his fridge. And she would tease him back, telling him that he had her all figured out. The thought brought a smile to her face, but it was quickly erased once she was reminded of her current boyfriend's presence in her home.

They settled on the couch and before she knew it Dylan had pulled her into a kiss, but something didn't feel right. Something felt different. It wasn't about Dylan being a bad kisser, because he wasn't. Not at all. It definitely was not about that. It was more about what she felt when he _did_ kiss her. Sure, she felt something. There was something there. Some kind of connection. It wasn't strong, but it was there. Kono wondered if that was why she had stayed with him for so long. Somewhere inside of her, she had feelings for Dylan. And maybe she was just hoping that they would become something more. Become something more intense.

Nothing.

She had waited months for it to happen, some minor change that would mean something, but it never did. And a part of her wasn't disappointed.

She wanted to love Dylan because he didn't want to love Steve anymore.

She wanted to love him because she couldn't be with Steve.

She wanted to love Dylan. She really did. But it Kono had realized that it was for all of the wrong reasons.

Dylan is a good kisser, she would never deny that, but it wasn't the same. A part of her had grown used to the intense, passionate kisses she received from Steve. Kisses that often turned into a night of steamy sex. They were rough and needy and, at the time, she had not even realized how much she enjoyed them. But with Dylan, the kisses are softer, calmer. They are coming from a person that loves her, and she can feel that when he kisses her lips. When he kisses her skin. His fingertips are gentle when they touch her. It's entirely different. He loves her, but she still feels herself missing the way Steve's mouth felt on hers.

Her thoughts quickly ruined the moment. Dylan pulled away from her, probably noticing that she was a million miles away. "What's wrong?" He asked while reaching for the remote and turning off the TV.

She shook her head and he accepted that as an answer. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to create some excuse to get her out of explaining what she was really thinking about. Dylan didn't even know about her relationship with Steve. He still had not even met her boss. Of course, she had successfully avoided that awkward encounter somehow, but knew that he would have to happen eventually. Especially if she planned on being with Dylan. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she didn't want to be with Dylan. Maybe she wanted something else. Or rather, _someone_ else.

Kono had no idea what she wanted. Her life had one huge triangle with a new complication at every turn. Dylan loves her. Steve loves her; at least she thinks he does. He hasn't come out and said it since before their break-up, but she was hopeful. She wanted to love Dylan, but really only loved Steve. Her brain was fried from the constant thoughts of what she could do to solve her pathetic situation.

She was surprised that Dylan had let it go so quickly. No questions. No desire for an explanation. If it had been Steve, it probably would have turned into one huge fight. Because that was what they did. They fought. Heck, that's what they still do. Kono wondered if she was settling by being with Dylan. Was she staying because it was easier? Was she staying because she couldn't stand to fight anymore?

"Um, I've been thinking." Dylan spoke, interrupted her thoughts. He seemed nervous, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm. She waited. "We've been together for a while, and it's kind of inconvenient for us to be going back and forth between house each night." Oh, god. Kono wasn't sure if she liked where this conversation was going. "I've been thinking and maybe it's time that you move into my place." He suggested casually.

She didn't know what to think. He was shocked that he had even asked. Her jaw dropped slightly, but she forced herself to pick it up. The lump in her throat was swallowed and her palms became sweaty.

"Excuse me?" It was all she could say. Or ask.

"I want you to move in with me." He stated again, moving closer to her this time.

"I can't."

"Why not?" Kono watched as his brow furrowed. He was obviously confused. Of course he was. Dylan believed that this was the next step in their relationship, but she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to live with him. He wasn't ready to love him. She wasn't ready to let go of the idea that he relationship with Steve was really over. And she wasn't sure that she would ever be.

It's denial, she realized. It had to be.

"I just can't." She repeated. Louder this time. She forced herself up off of the couch, no longer feeling comfortable sitting beside him.

Kono could feel his eyes on her. He was staring, waiting. She couldn't figure out what to say. When she had asked him to come over, she had never imagined the night turning into what it had. They were supposed to have fun, enjoy each other's company, but instead, she had been asked to make a huge decision. A decision she was by no means ready to make.

She could feel her skin growing itchy as his eyes pierced through her. Her thoughts were racing. Her throat was growing dry. Her breathing was heavy. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to have to do this.

"Why can't you move in with me, Kono?" He asked once again. The tone he was using wasn't demanding or loud, but he wanted answers. That much was clear.

"Because I love someone else!"

**To Be Continued. **

Again, thank you so, so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed! Please me a review to let me know what you thought!


	10. Chapter 10

PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME! (if anyone is still even reading this) I am completely aware of the fact that it has been nearly four months since I have updated this story, and for that I am so, so, so incredibly sorry.

And i'm sure it doesn't help that I left you guys with a huge cliffhanger on the last chapter. Again, don't kill me. *insert nervous laughter* Everything in my life just got so crazy and hectic for a while there, and it's just starting to get back to normal. I've had most of the ideas for this chapter written down, just not anytime to put them all together. But, here it is! A new chapter has arrived and I hope it makes the long wait worth it.

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

...

_Chapter 10_

_She could feel her skin growing itchy as his eyes pierced through her. Her thoughts were racing. Her throat was growing dry. Her breathing was heavy. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to have to do this._

_"Why can't you move in with me, Kono?" He asked once again. The tone he was using wasn't demanding or loud, but he wanted answers. That much was clear._

_"Because I love someone else!"_

…

_oh, i've been worrying that we all live our lives in the confines of fear. _

"Because I love someone else!" The words fall out, quick and unexpected, and as quickly as she says them, a gasp follows, sharp and cutting through the air like a thick knife, taking Dylan's heart as its first victim. Instantly, her hand flies up to cover her mouth, absolutely shocked by her own confession. This wasn't supposed to happen, not like this anyway, the words just kind of came out. She never wanted to have to do, reveal her true feelings about a man she should have long since forgotten about to another man who she cannot seem to love back. Hurting him had never been apart of her plan. Her life was never supposed to get this screwed up. "I'm in love with someone else." She whispers the words this time, tasting them in her mouth while tracing the outline of her lips with the fingertips.

Slowly, and with great hesitation, Kono lifts her eyes off the floor to look at the man sitting directly in front of her, and in that moment she feels so close to crying. His expression is pained, and it's easy to tell that he is confused by everything that just transpired. One second, he was asking his girlfriend, who he loved, to move in with him. In his head, he had believed that it was the right time to take that step and ask, that they had finally reached the point in their relationship where the question was safe territory. But, quickly, everything had turned on a dime. Her answer was no longer even a thought on his mind. That did not matter anymore. She had just revealed something so huge, it put everything into question.

The tears are coming, Kono can feel them, flooding at the brims of her eyelids, but she refuses to let them fall. No, she can't. She does not get to cry, she has no right. She caused this, all of this pain and confusion, is all her fault. There is no one else to blame. She is officially the worst person ever, tearing a man's heart out, ripping it right out of her chest, she can see it in his eyes.

…

For a while, neither speak. He's too shocked to process what she had just revealed, unaware of how to feel or what to ask. So, they sit in silence and she waits for something to happen. Anything. She doesn't care if he wishes to scream at that, (that's probably what she deserves, she thinks) at least it would be something. It would be better than this torture. Kono isn't sure how much longer she will be able to sit beside him as he holds his head in his hands, probably replaying every single moment they shared, wondering where he had gone wrong. His body is stiff and rigid beside hers. He is sitting on the opposite end of the couch, and while she she wishes to reach out to touch him, comfort him somehow, she knows that the action would be foolish.

…

Eventually, the silence just grows to be too much for Kono to handle.

"I am so sorry, Dylan." The words escape, soft and barely above a whisper, but she hopes he can hear them, mostly because she does not have any desire to repeat them. Not because she isn't, because she is. She is so sorry, and she needs him to know this, but mainly because she is still partly in denial over the fact that she had done this. Kono never wished to be this girl, the one who strings a guy along simply because she is not able to let go of the past...

…or more importantly, the man she wished she could still call hers.

She had been raised better than this. Going around hurting people is not who she was raised to be. This is just not who she is and she hates herself for it.

…

"Who is it?" The question she knew would be coming is finally asked, but she is no where near prepared with a proper answer. When he asks it, he is standing, pacing violently back and forth across her carper as his mind races with thoughts, refusing to make eye contact with her. Kono remains seating as he does so, allowing him the time he needs to think and process, it's the least she can do after all she has done. He deserves that much from her.

Again, a long and awkward silence enters the room, filled with tension and unanswered questions.

Kono does not know how she is supposed to explain this. How is she supposed to explain that throughout their entire relationship, she had been cheating, not in the physical sense, obviously, but, really, does that matter? She had been kept Dylan completely in the dark when it came to her relationship with Steve. He had never been given any knowledge of the fact that it even existed at all. And, even worse, she had remained in love with a man that was not her boyfriend. It would not matter that she had only kiss him, or had sex with. The only thing he would care about is the fact that she had never been in love with him, but rather another man. And he never had any idea.

"Does it matter?" Kono asks stupidly. Of course, it matters. If she were being honest with herself, she just was not ready to face the level of guilt she felt.

"I want to know." His voice is laced with such an enormous amount of intensity, she's not sure if she should be scared of him or not. But, again, Kono knows that she does not have the right. Her actions and stupid choices caused this, it's her job to stick around to face the aftermath, to try and help him understand...

…even though she's not entirely sure she understands herself.

…

Once she is finally ready to face the truth, (it takes a while) she speaks. "It's Steve." Kono says the name quietly, almost hoping that he misses it and does not hear her, but no such luck. As soon as he recognizes the face that belongs to the name, the pain previously seen on his face is back, stronger than before, tearing her apart even more.

"Steve." He repeats the name, saying it with an anger she's never heard, while he holds his hands on his hips in a frustrated stance. His breathing in heavy as he continues to pace, probably digging holes in the floor. "Of course. I probably should've known."

Her body shoots up off the couch, pushing herself up with her hands before rushing towards him. Her arm reaches forward, touching the back of arm and she can swear she can feel the tension contain within his muscles as they tighten underneath her fingertips. "It's not what you think!" She tries to explain, but before she has the chance to continue, he shifts his body around, and in the next second, she can feel his hand make contact with her cheek, forcing a gasp to escape her lips and her head to turn to the side.

"My girlfriend is in love with another man! I'm pretty sure i've got everything covered!" He's shouting at the top of his lungs now and her cheek is stinging as her palm holds it. Kono does her best to not jump backwards at the volume of his voice.

…

For a while, he returns to his place on the couch while resorts to the kitchen. While there, she runs the sink faucet, running the cold water over her hands and onto her face. After the water is turned off, the house is silent again. Kono reaches for a napkin to dry her hands before slowly naming her way into the next room, hesitant to approach him.

"I probably deserved that." She speaks, her voice weak and tired, referencing the slap she took to the face.

Kono watches as he lowers his head into his hands once again, and she knows he regrets it, hitting her. In all of the time they had ever spent together, he never once raised a hand against her. He's never even raised his voice. It's not who he is. He didn't mean to do it. She knows that. Once he looks up again, his eyes contain so much hatred that Kono is actually unable to breathe. Her lungs are burning inside her chest as she searches for air, but every time she attempts to pull in a breath, it tastes like the anger she knew he is feeling.

"You were always a little bit in love with him, weren't you?" Dylan wonders before swallowing while rubbing his hands together in his lap.

Knowing that she will never be able to answer his question in the way he wants her to, Kono remains silent. She remained silence, unable to answer his question.

"I guess I have my answer then." The words are followed by a deep and heavy sigh. He nods his head a few times before standing and making his way towards the door.

"Dylan, please don't do this." She is practically begging now, feeling the tears rise up again. But she's not sure why she's even bothering. If someone had done what she had done to him to her, she would not be so easy to forgive, but having him walk out now, absolutely hating her like he obviously does, blinded by the huge mistake she made, would completely devastate her. She would not be able to handle that.

His hand is on the doorknob, opening the door before he stops and turns on heal to face her. A minute passes of him simply staring at her. He is half way across the room, but he looks so lost, so broken, that she wants nothing more than to break, to cry forever for what she has done. And, then, he is looking down at his when he asks, "Were you ever really in this? Did you ever really care?"

The question combined with the expression on his face causes her stomach to turn violently, making her feel the urge to vomit. Kono's pretty sure she has never hated herself more in her life that she does in this moment. She is so disgusted with herself that she had made this incredibly man doubt himself. There had never been anything wrong with him. Never. The only problem was that Steve had come into her life first. He came into her life and he consumed her completely, taking over her life, making her love him with everything she is. Steve came first. That was the problem.

Kono swallows the lump in her throat before taking a small step towards him. "Of course I did. Don't ever think that I didn't. You are amazing." Her mind is racing to think of any and everything she needs to say because, she knows this for sure, once he walks that door, she will never have the chance to do so again. "You're smart and you're funny and you're compassionate, and I trust you." She nods, looking him straight in the eyes, praying that he is listening and believing what she is saying. But she highly doubts it. After everything, he doesn't have any reason to believe her words. "You're the perfect guy." The words she is searching for seem to disappear, getting stuck in her throat as she fights the urge to break. "You're just not the right guy."

And, with that, he turns around, walks out of her front door, closing it behind him, leaving her alone with her guilt and her mistakes.

Not even a second passes before Kono is on the ground, her body consumed with broken up sobs that steal the air in her lungs.

_to be continued…_

…

Okay, I know that that was extremely intense, but I am extremely satisfied with how it turned out and I hope you are too.

Please let me know what you think and I promise that I will do my best to update sooner this time!

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with me through this one.


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